Prikaz objav z oznako queer. Pokaži vse objave
Prikaz objav z oznako queer. Pokaži vse objave
5. sep. 2012
Panel discussion Sisters Unite!
Sisters* Unite!
A discussion about queer_feminist political activism at Rampenfieber Festival
Friday, September 21st 2012, at 17.00, Fluc, Praterstern 5, Vienna
Nighttime is the right time for conspiracies with the feminist terrorist?! (Luise Pop)
Femen and Pussy Riot - feminist activism was hardly ever as present in the media as it is today. And hardly ever as actually those actions challenge the established political systems and bring topics such as sex work, sexism, or the right to freedom of expression to the general public. But Femen and Pussy Riot are just the tip of the queer_feminist iceberg, everywhere arise and exist feminist networks, platforms, forums, festivals, fanzines and radio shows. But many of these initiatives are only known by few, the flow of information rarely fails solely to language barriers …
With this panel we want to bring queer_feminist activists from different contexts, networks and locations together to talk about shared and different issues, approaches and practices as well as specific forms of action in relation to their individual/common political intentions. What is the role of national /regional contexts? What about the (international) exchange and what can we learn from each other?
Panel members:
Zosia Hołubowska (anthropologist, queer and anarchist activist; Copenhagen, Denmark)
Martyna Hormańska (musician, vegan and queer feminist; Wrocław, Poland)
Tea Hvala (feminist writer and organiser; Ljubljana, Slovenia)
Dorottya Karsay (queer and anti-racist activist; Budapest, Hungary)
Marissa Lôbo (migrant black activist and artist; Vienna, Linz, Austria and Brazil)
Zhenja (Kyiv, Ukraine)
Moderation / chair: Sushila Mesquita (activist, musician, researcher; Vienna, Austria)
Panelists' biographies.
Festival program (booklet in PDF).
predalček:
activism,
discussion,
feminist,
queer,
rampenfieber,
vienna
0
komentar/jev
15. sep. 2011
Svetovi drugih - priče iz Sarajeva
Zadnja delavnica skupinskega pisanja feministično-queerovske znanstvene fantastike Svetovi drugih je potekala 9. septembra 2011 na festivalu ženske angažirane umetnosti PitchWise, ki se je letos šestič odvijal v Sarajevu. Podobno kot na prejšnjih delavnicah smo se tudi v Kulturnem centru Sarajevo ravnale po nadrealističnih receptih za skupinske besedne igre in se poželjivo ozirale k feministično-queerovskim svetovom, ki zaenkrat spadajo še v znanstveno fantastiko.
Pravila iger 'definicije (vprašanja in odgovori)', 'pogojniki' in 'izvrstno trupelce' lahko v angleščini preberete na tej povezavi. Spodaj lahko preberete prvi izbor povedi in zgodb s sarajevske delavnice, napisanih v slovensko-hrvaško-srbsko-bosanskem jeziku. Seznam bo popoln šele, ko bo vsem udeleženkam uspelo dešifrirati vse pisave in prepisati zgodbe.
Na delavnici so sodelovale: Kristina Andrić, Džejla Bektić, Berina Džemailović, Vesna Đorđević, Dragana Đukić, Ivana Gordanić, Maja Halilović, Amina Herak, Nedžiba Idrizović, Ilona Jerič, Lidija Kajtazi, Tamara Karanović, Selma Kešetović, Anja Tedeško, Ana Vilenica in Safija Zairović.
Udeleženkam se zahvaljujem za sodelovanje, Fundaciji CURE pa za vabilo na festival in izjemno gostoljubje.
Definicije (Pitanja i odgovori)
Šta misliš o današnjem danu?
U svemiru ima svega.
Koliko je sati?
Mnogo.
Šta želiš?
Puno malih slatkih zečeva.
Znaš li šta je ljubav?
Ponekad kad se ne nađe drugih izgovora.
Šta je megalomanija?
Svemirska pita iz antigravitacijskog brašna.
Jesi li ikad se digla u pola noći i zavijala sa vukovima?
Zato što je neko bacio ciglu.
Voliš li banane?
Sve je super, treba se udubiti u sve i zavijati s vukovima!
Ili znaš gde je otišla banana?
Tamo gde helikopteri šume u komšiluku.
Zašto žirafe ne jedu grožđe?
Izbledeće, plašim se.
Koliko ti je dobar vid?
Deset podeljeno sa dva.
Koliko si queer danas?
U slavini ima vode.
Šta je smisao života?
Diktafon, fotoaparat i hljeb.
Kako nastaju mobilni telefoni?
Pa ljepo bona, kako neznaš!
Koliko je visoko?
Pa zavisi koliko pingvina bude gladnih.
Zašto nisi kupila ružnati šešir?
Zato što su brojevi nestalna kategorija.
Kada ćeš obojiti obrve?
Kad se popiškim u travu.
Koliko si kolačića pojela?
Trudim se, da ne razmišljam o tortici.
Šta misliš kad šetaš ulicom u zadnje vreme?
Da ima ljubavi i vatre.
Kondicionali
Ako se budemo zadržale duže u pustinji, sačekaću sljedeću komercijalu.
Ako bi se ti zaustavila nasred ceste, onda bih ja otišla na pitu ispod sača.
Ako bi jahala konja, onda bi jela šampite.
Ako se nasmiš, organizirat ću uništavanje njihove štampe.
Ako krenemo odmah, možemo uhvatit leteću metlu.
Ako sutra mačka zaspi, popeću se na traktor.
Kad bi pala kroz staklo, meditirala bih kraj reke i sjedinila se s prirodom.
Kada bi imala uber awesome superpowers, onda bi pobjegla u kanalizaciju.
Kad bi se našla u liftu sa Madonnom, onda bi se smijala do kraja života.
Kad bi se sunce ugasilo, onda bi letjela.
Kada bih imala svu moč u državi, onda bi svi vodili ljubav i sadili drveće.
Kad bi Sarajevo bilo u Africi, nekako bi pronašla izlaz.
Kad bih se našla u drugom tjelu, onda bi ljudi imali više strpljenja drug z drugim.
Kada padne lopta, ja ću plesti goblene.
Kada bi uzela nož i gulila krumpir, ostavila bih sve i preselila se na Veneru!
Kada bi krenula prema mjesecu, otišla bi na prstima, da te ne probudim.
(Kratki) odlični leš
Zeleno oko skida se u šumarku u ormaru.
Tristohiljada livada spava kod plave rjeke.
Lepa zebra ide u ljuti indigo.
Nadjačani grah voli dlakavu ružu u lošem stanju.
Svilena zubdana trči prema šarenom kišobranu.
Ljubičasta banana je pojela čupavu pećinu.
Ljubičasta banana trči u ljepoj ljubičasto-crni kugli.
Lijepa olovka ide prema pospanom suncu.

(Dugi) odlični leš
Kada bih imala svu moč u državi …
Kada bih imala svu moč u državi, onda bi svi vodili ljubav i sadili drveće. Zašto ne sadimo drveće od novca? Zašto još to nisu izmislili. Zašto nisu izmislili food drvo? Onda bi sve lakše bilo. Ipak zadovoljni smo i ovim našim nemutantskim drvećima. Ljeti su monotoni, dosada. U jesen mijenjaju boje ko osječaji šarenilo. Svaki list pada različito, nema monotonije. Sve šuška, listovi plešu. Kao da vode ljubav.
Zašto se ne probudiš jedan dan sa uber awesome superpowersima i možeš da vladaš državom? Diktature treba. Pohapsiti i zatvoriti sve mrzitelje prirode. Zašto svi ne odemo u šumarak na potočić spojit se sa unutrašnjim mirom, da vodimo ljubav? Budimo hipijevi. Ljubav nije za pičkice, pička si ako mrziš ljubav. Zašto svi ne zaboravimo na se, udružimo se, napravimo ogroman kolač i usput sadimo drveće; vračamo staro. Legalizujmo gay brakove.
PIČKA. PIČKA. PIČKA. Volimo pičke. Ja znam, da je volim. I sada, lijepo da se izrazim, nabijem vas sve na svoj fantomski kurac. Mene vaše norme ponašanja uopće ne zanimaju. To je valjda neka ironija. Zato što slavim nježnost, moram da se borim, da iznalazim nove načine da spasim sopstvenu kožu od vaših stigmi, vaših značenja. Prošla su vremena kada je John Lennon zajedno sa Yoko Ono upozoravao, da ne posežemo za nasiljem, jer kada vas isprovociraju za nasilje, znaju šta će s vama. Ne znam, nalazim se na ivici svijeta, sa slušalicama na ušima iz kojih trešti ljuti glas Marylna Mansona: FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!
Jebeš ti to sve. Sve je to ludo i bolesno. Boriti se za ljubav – bolest uma, koja vlada svjetom i to svjetom koji je izmislio jedan kuronja u svom officu. Zato i samo zato volite se, poštujte jedni druge, vodite ljubav i sadite drveće. Zar to nije poanta života? Što ti više treba? Haj sad reci. Nema veze sve će doć na svoje kad se digne revolucija na planeti zemlji i potamani svakog kuronju u officu i spali ga na lomači. Strpljen spašen.
Već pet godina živi u tišini
Već pet godina živi u tišini i bulji u svoje sove, pčele, vrane, jabuke, kruške. Nikad neće nać ono svoje pismo al nema to veze jer je nabavio novu antiknu uniformu i prodat će je na dražbi kao i ono prošlo, da može nastavit živjet u tišini. Prostor tišine. Da se barem nalaziš. Tu. Da ne ovisiš o drugima, o osjećajima. Da ne budeš stvar. Da promijeniš sebe. Vjetar vijori tvoju kosu. Opusti se, kažeš si, sve se treba proći. Nemoj da ta tišina preovlada s tobom. Nije ni toliko dobra. Uniforma će se poderati, novac od uniforme će biti potrošen. Ne možeš kupiti sreće sa njim. Preovladava s tobom. Daj si reci: Današnji dan nema granica, ne nosi pasoš sa sobom. Nemoj postati pjesnik tame i tišine …
Pjesnikinja udahnula dim cigarete i pogledala kroz prozor. Ostao joj je jedino sredstvo bijega u drugi svjet. Razmišlja: Hvala na ovoj cigareti. Razmišlja opet: Kako ljepo život prolazi … kao i ova prokleta cigareta. Ne može napolje. Zatvorena je u ovoj ludnici duži niz godina. Dali je pitate tačno za broj, ne bi vam znala reći. I da li je to zaista važno? Zatvorena zajedno sa ostalim pacijenticama i tišinom dočekuje zoru. Tretiraju je kao dijete iako je odrasla žena. Zna ona i zašto. Dijete ne sanja slobodu, nego dobrog gospodara, nekoga tko će u njegovo ime, u ime njegovog dobra, osloboditi ga odgovornosti.
Nakrivila je šešir i zagledala se u svoj odraz u ogledalu. Čuvaj se slike, rekao je Lacan. Iskrivljena stvarnost. Uvijek iskrivljena stvarnost, ali i ta razarajuća spoznaja, da nova ne postoji. Nalazi se u sobi punoj odraza, refleksija i ne zna koja je ona. Da li je njezino tijelo uopće materijalno? Dali postoji u vremenu i prostoru? Postoji li vrijeme i prostor? Kako da ona sada kaže svojoj majci da je zove bog, a ona pere suđe? Odaziva li se uopće netko tom pozivu? Problem je sav u tome: ona to ne želi raditi, ali mora, jer nema nikoga drugog da preuzme tu paklenu ulogu. Lakše je izbrati komfor svakodnevnog ponavljanja. Obuci opeglane košulje, obuj lakirane cipele. Pričaj nešto lijepo kao „Ništa nije završeno dok je čovjek živ“ ili „Sve se može kad se hoće“. Hoće li netko jednog dana znati, da je postajala u vremenu i prostoru? Čemu taj strah od nestajanja? Da li zbog toga piše?
Jako zajebano vrijeme, naglas razmišlja pjesnikinja, vrijeme je da lik koji želi predati svoje pismo okonča misiju i shvati, da je izmišljen lik.
Zeleno oko skida se u šumarku u ormaru
Zeleno oko skida se u šumarku u ormaru. Zeleno oko zagleda crveno oko. Zeleno oko je ljuto. Reži! Neko joj je uletio na teritoriju. Zeleno oko i crveno oko počinju borbu na život i smrt. Ovako ta borba izgleda: dva oka zure jedna u drugu. Povremeno škilje, namiguju. Tešku artiljeriju čuvaju za kasnije.
Moglo bi se reči da su te oči u određenom raskoraku, neuhvatljive na istoj razini sporazumijevanja. Jer zeleno oko služi kao refleksija crvenom oku, a i crveno oko shvata da mu je zeleno ogledalo.
Kažu da so oči prozor duše ali zelenooka Azra nije vjerovala u dušu, samo u precizne anatomske činjenice kakve je prižekljivala od sada određenog i savladanog Fuada. Izgledao je tako krhko među tim žutim lišćem, ne znajući da li da moli za milost ili da traži još. Ipak, ta drskost ... Koliko god mislila, da ga je pritisla i uništila mu svaku priliku da ponovo sakupi rasuti identitet, bilo je nečeg ponosnog, nesalomljivog u tom preljepom dječaku.
Sunce je sišlo u šumu. Objasnio je crvenom i zelenom oku da su dijelovi cjeline i da oba oka pripadaju sunčevom spektru boja. Crveno, zeleno, žuto, plavo oko. Sve te boje je posjedovao taj dječak, smatrala je Azra. Čak ga se malo i bojala zbog tih boja, jer je čudno izgledala zelena irokeza na glavi, ljubičasto i crno oko, jaka čeljust, poderana odjeća, lanci, čizme i duša na jakni. Tačno je znala kada on prolazi pod njenim prozorom. Svaki dan u 17.00 je dolazio da se rukuje s nekim tipom koji bi mu dao paketić a on njemu novac. Redovno ga je promatrala i uvijek se pitala šta li je u tom paketiću i zašto svaki dan. Ali nije previše razmišljala o tome sve dok ga je ona mogla vidjet.
Jednog dana se nije pojavio. Umjesto njega je drugi dječak kasnio. Svaki dan, različito vrijeme. Zeleno oko je počelo suziti. Duša je slomljena. Nema ga. U paketiću je smrt. Zašto nije uzeo njen paketić ljubavi i života? Oči su ogledala duše, ljubičasto i crno oko. Ne mogu prežaliti. Otišla je do tipa po paketić. Krenula je za svojim očima sudbine. Umrla je. Na rajskom kolodvoru izlazi iz voza, čekao ju je s ružom, rozom.
Pravila iger 'definicije (vprašanja in odgovori)', 'pogojniki' in 'izvrstno trupelce' lahko v angleščini preberete na tej povezavi. Spodaj lahko preberete prvi izbor povedi in zgodb s sarajevske delavnice, napisanih v slovensko-hrvaško-srbsko-bosanskem jeziku. Seznam bo popoln šele, ko bo vsem udeleženkam uspelo dešifrirati vse pisave in prepisati zgodbe.
Na delavnici so sodelovale: Kristina Andrić, Džejla Bektić, Berina Džemailović, Vesna Đorđević, Dragana Đukić, Ivana Gordanić, Maja Halilović, Amina Herak, Nedžiba Idrizović, Ilona Jerič, Lidija Kajtazi, Tamara Karanović, Selma Kešetović, Anja Tedeško, Ana Vilenica in Safija Zairović.
Udeleženkam se zahvaljujem za sodelovanje, Fundaciji CURE pa za vabilo na festival in izjemno gostoljubje.
Definicije (Pitanja i odgovori)
Šta misliš o današnjem danu?
U svemiru ima svega.
Koliko je sati?
Mnogo.
Šta želiš?
Puno malih slatkih zečeva.
Znaš li šta je ljubav?
Ponekad kad se ne nađe drugih izgovora.
Šta je megalomanija?
Svemirska pita iz antigravitacijskog brašna.
Jesi li ikad se digla u pola noći i zavijala sa vukovima?
Zato što je neko bacio ciglu.
Voliš li banane?
Sve je super, treba se udubiti u sve i zavijati s vukovima!
Ili znaš gde je otišla banana?
Tamo gde helikopteri šume u komšiluku.
Zašto žirafe ne jedu grožđe?
Izbledeće, plašim se.
Koliko ti je dobar vid?
Deset podeljeno sa dva.
Koliko si queer danas?
U slavini ima vode.
Šta je smisao života?
Diktafon, fotoaparat i hljeb.
Kako nastaju mobilni telefoni?
Pa ljepo bona, kako neznaš!
Koliko je visoko?
Pa zavisi koliko pingvina bude gladnih.
Zašto nisi kupila ružnati šešir?
Zato što su brojevi nestalna kategorija.
Kada ćeš obojiti obrve?
Kad se popiškim u travu.
Koliko si kolačića pojela?
Trudim se, da ne razmišljam o tortici.
Šta misliš kad šetaš ulicom u zadnje vreme?
Da ima ljubavi i vatre.
Kondicionali
Ako se budemo zadržale duže u pustinji, sačekaću sljedeću komercijalu.
Ako bi se ti zaustavila nasred ceste, onda bih ja otišla na pitu ispod sača.
Ako bi jahala konja, onda bi jela šampite.
Ako se nasmiš, organizirat ću uništavanje njihove štampe.
Ako krenemo odmah, možemo uhvatit leteću metlu.
Ako sutra mačka zaspi, popeću se na traktor.
Kad bi pala kroz staklo, meditirala bih kraj reke i sjedinila se s prirodom.
Kada bi imala uber awesome superpowers, onda bi pobjegla u kanalizaciju.
Kad bi se našla u liftu sa Madonnom, onda bi se smijala do kraja života.
Kad bi se sunce ugasilo, onda bi letjela.
Kada bih imala svu moč u državi, onda bi svi vodili ljubav i sadili drveće.
Kad bi Sarajevo bilo u Africi, nekako bi pronašla izlaz.
Kad bih se našla u drugom tjelu, onda bi ljudi imali više strpljenja drug z drugim.
Kada padne lopta, ja ću plesti goblene.
Kada bi uzela nož i gulila krumpir, ostavila bih sve i preselila se na Veneru!
Kada bi krenula prema mjesecu, otišla bi na prstima, da te ne probudim.
(Kratki) odlični leš
Zeleno oko skida se u šumarku u ormaru.
Tristohiljada livada spava kod plave rjeke.
Lepa zebra ide u ljuti indigo.
Nadjačani grah voli dlakavu ružu u lošem stanju.
Svilena zubdana trči prema šarenom kišobranu.
Ljubičasta banana je pojela čupavu pećinu.
Ljubičasta banana trči u ljepoj ljubičasto-crni kugli.
Lijepa olovka ide prema pospanom suncu.

(Dugi) odlični leš
Kada bih imala svu moč u državi …
Kada bih imala svu moč u državi, onda bi svi vodili ljubav i sadili drveće. Zašto ne sadimo drveće od novca? Zašto još to nisu izmislili. Zašto nisu izmislili food drvo? Onda bi sve lakše bilo. Ipak zadovoljni smo i ovim našim nemutantskim drvećima. Ljeti su monotoni, dosada. U jesen mijenjaju boje ko osječaji šarenilo. Svaki list pada različito, nema monotonije. Sve šuška, listovi plešu. Kao da vode ljubav.
Zašto se ne probudiš jedan dan sa uber awesome superpowersima i možeš da vladaš državom? Diktature treba. Pohapsiti i zatvoriti sve mrzitelje prirode. Zašto svi ne odemo u šumarak na potočić spojit se sa unutrašnjim mirom, da vodimo ljubav? Budimo hipijevi. Ljubav nije za pičkice, pička si ako mrziš ljubav. Zašto svi ne zaboravimo na se, udružimo se, napravimo ogroman kolač i usput sadimo drveće; vračamo staro. Legalizujmo gay brakove.
PIČKA. PIČKA. PIČKA. Volimo pičke. Ja znam, da je volim. I sada, lijepo da se izrazim, nabijem vas sve na svoj fantomski kurac. Mene vaše norme ponašanja uopće ne zanimaju. To je valjda neka ironija. Zato što slavim nježnost, moram da se borim, da iznalazim nove načine da spasim sopstvenu kožu od vaših stigmi, vaših značenja. Prošla su vremena kada je John Lennon zajedno sa Yoko Ono upozoravao, da ne posežemo za nasiljem, jer kada vas isprovociraju za nasilje, znaju šta će s vama. Ne znam, nalazim se na ivici svijeta, sa slušalicama na ušima iz kojih trešti ljuti glas Marylna Mansona: FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!
Jebeš ti to sve. Sve je to ludo i bolesno. Boriti se za ljubav – bolest uma, koja vlada svjetom i to svjetom koji je izmislio jedan kuronja u svom officu. Zato i samo zato volite se, poštujte jedni druge, vodite ljubav i sadite drveće. Zar to nije poanta života? Što ti više treba? Haj sad reci. Nema veze sve će doć na svoje kad se digne revolucija na planeti zemlji i potamani svakog kuronju u officu i spali ga na lomači. Strpljen spašen.
Već pet godina živi u tišini
Već pet godina živi u tišini i bulji u svoje sove, pčele, vrane, jabuke, kruške. Nikad neće nać ono svoje pismo al nema to veze jer je nabavio novu antiknu uniformu i prodat će je na dražbi kao i ono prošlo, da može nastavit živjet u tišini. Prostor tišine. Da se barem nalaziš. Tu. Da ne ovisiš o drugima, o osjećajima. Da ne budeš stvar. Da promijeniš sebe. Vjetar vijori tvoju kosu. Opusti se, kažeš si, sve se treba proći. Nemoj da ta tišina preovlada s tobom. Nije ni toliko dobra. Uniforma će se poderati, novac od uniforme će biti potrošen. Ne možeš kupiti sreće sa njim. Preovladava s tobom. Daj si reci: Današnji dan nema granica, ne nosi pasoš sa sobom. Nemoj postati pjesnik tame i tišine …
Pjesnikinja udahnula dim cigarete i pogledala kroz prozor. Ostao joj je jedino sredstvo bijega u drugi svjet. Razmišlja: Hvala na ovoj cigareti. Razmišlja opet: Kako ljepo život prolazi … kao i ova prokleta cigareta. Ne može napolje. Zatvorena je u ovoj ludnici duži niz godina. Dali je pitate tačno za broj, ne bi vam znala reći. I da li je to zaista važno? Zatvorena zajedno sa ostalim pacijenticama i tišinom dočekuje zoru. Tretiraju je kao dijete iako je odrasla žena. Zna ona i zašto. Dijete ne sanja slobodu, nego dobrog gospodara, nekoga tko će u njegovo ime, u ime njegovog dobra, osloboditi ga odgovornosti.
Nakrivila je šešir i zagledala se u svoj odraz u ogledalu. Čuvaj se slike, rekao je Lacan. Iskrivljena stvarnost. Uvijek iskrivljena stvarnost, ali i ta razarajuća spoznaja, da nova ne postoji. Nalazi se u sobi punoj odraza, refleksija i ne zna koja je ona. Da li je njezino tijelo uopće materijalno? Dali postoji u vremenu i prostoru? Postoji li vrijeme i prostor? Kako da ona sada kaže svojoj majci da je zove bog, a ona pere suđe? Odaziva li se uopće netko tom pozivu? Problem je sav u tome: ona to ne želi raditi, ali mora, jer nema nikoga drugog da preuzme tu paklenu ulogu. Lakše je izbrati komfor svakodnevnog ponavljanja. Obuci opeglane košulje, obuj lakirane cipele. Pričaj nešto lijepo kao „Ništa nije završeno dok je čovjek živ“ ili „Sve se može kad se hoće“. Hoće li netko jednog dana znati, da je postajala u vremenu i prostoru? Čemu taj strah od nestajanja? Da li zbog toga piše?
Jako zajebano vrijeme, naglas razmišlja pjesnikinja, vrijeme je da lik koji želi predati svoje pismo okonča misiju i shvati, da je izmišljen lik.
Zeleno oko skida se u šumarku u ormaru
Zeleno oko skida se u šumarku u ormaru. Zeleno oko zagleda crveno oko. Zeleno oko je ljuto. Reži! Neko joj je uletio na teritoriju. Zeleno oko i crveno oko počinju borbu na život i smrt. Ovako ta borba izgleda: dva oka zure jedna u drugu. Povremeno škilje, namiguju. Tešku artiljeriju čuvaju za kasnije.
Moglo bi se reči da su te oči u određenom raskoraku, neuhvatljive na istoj razini sporazumijevanja. Jer zeleno oko služi kao refleksija crvenom oku, a i crveno oko shvata da mu je zeleno ogledalo.
Kažu da so oči prozor duše ali zelenooka Azra nije vjerovala u dušu, samo u precizne anatomske činjenice kakve je prižekljivala od sada određenog i savladanog Fuada. Izgledao je tako krhko među tim žutim lišćem, ne znajući da li da moli za milost ili da traži još. Ipak, ta drskost ... Koliko god mislila, da ga je pritisla i uništila mu svaku priliku da ponovo sakupi rasuti identitet, bilo je nečeg ponosnog, nesalomljivog u tom preljepom dječaku.
Sunce je sišlo u šumu. Objasnio je crvenom i zelenom oku da su dijelovi cjeline i da oba oka pripadaju sunčevom spektru boja. Crveno, zeleno, žuto, plavo oko. Sve te boje je posjedovao taj dječak, smatrala je Azra. Čak ga se malo i bojala zbog tih boja, jer je čudno izgledala zelena irokeza na glavi, ljubičasto i crno oko, jaka čeljust, poderana odjeća, lanci, čizme i duša na jakni. Tačno je znala kada on prolazi pod njenim prozorom. Svaki dan u 17.00 je dolazio da se rukuje s nekim tipom koji bi mu dao paketić a on njemu novac. Redovno ga je promatrala i uvijek se pitala šta li je u tom paketiću i zašto svaki dan. Ali nije previše razmišljala o tome sve dok ga je ona mogla vidjet.
Jednog dana se nije pojavio. Umjesto njega je drugi dječak kasnio. Svaki dan, različito vrijeme. Zeleno oko je počelo suziti. Duša je slomljena. Nema ga. U paketiću je smrt. Zašto nije uzeo njen paketić ljubavi i života? Oči su ogledala duše, ljubičasto i crno oko. Ne mogu prežaliti. Otišla je do tipa po paketić. Krenula je za svojim očima sudbine. Umrla je. Na rajskom kolodvoru izlazi iz voza, čekao ju je s ružom, rozom.
predalček:
delavnica,
feminist,
in other wor(l)ds,
PitchWise,
queer,
Sarajevo,
sci-fi,
short story,
svetovi drugih,
workshop
2
komentar/jev
16. maj 2011
Predavanje in pogovor 'Težave s queerom v Ljubljani'
Grafit na Roški cesti v Ljubljani (foto: Enči Brenči)
»Ne tlači me v (o)queer!«, odličen grafit aktivistične skupine Vstaja Lezbosov, je zajel celo mavrico lokalnih interpretacij tega izmuzljivega pojma, ki se povečini izključujejo. Kaj pomeni queer, če pink partizanke očitno nočejo, da jih kdorkoli tlači v njegov okvir? Mar ni bil queerovski aktivizem mišljen kot upor proti togemu in ozkemu razumevanju identitet? Kako in kdaj se je izrazito opozicijski koncept spremenil v lastno nasprotje? Zastavljajo se še druga vprašanja, recimo, v katerih kontekstih se pri nas pojavlja ta izmuzljiva tujka? Ali zastopa novo samoopredelitev, novo nevidnost (za LGBTI skupnost), življenjski slog, modno muho, novo politiko, posebno teoretsko metodo ali celo novo paradigmo? Menda ne vsega naštetega?
Skratka, odkar je tudi v Ljubljani v določenih krogih popularno trditi, da si queer, je iskanje politično spodbudnih odgovorov na omenjena vprašanja še posebej pomembno za lezbično in gejevsko skupnost, saj queerovska novotarija (zaenkrat) zadeva predvsem njo. Zakaj? Ker je ta skupnost, kot je leta 1997 na podlagi intervjujev z lezbijkami zaključila Suzana Tratnik, naš »alternativni dom«, iz njega pa so tudi v Ljubljani izključeni »tisti, ki niso 'v celoti drugi', a tudi 'ne povsem/zadostno naši'«; torej obrobneži, odpadniki, izobčenci ali, kot bi rekli Američani, queeri.
Vabljene, vabljeni!
V sredo, 25. maja 2011 ob 20.00 v Klubu Tiffany (ŠKUC - Kulturni center Q).
»Ne tlači me v (o)queer!«, odličen grafit aktivistične skupine Vstaja Lezbosov, je zajel celo mavrico lokalnih interpretacij tega izmuzljivega pojma, ki se povečini izključujejo. Kaj pomeni queer, če pink partizanke očitno nočejo, da jih kdorkoli tlači v njegov okvir? Mar ni bil queerovski aktivizem mišljen kot upor proti togemu in ozkemu razumevanju identitet? Kako in kdaj se je izrazito opozicijski koncept spremenil v lastno nasprotje? Zastavljajo se še druga vprašanja, recimo, v katerih kontekstih se pri nas pojavlja ta izmuzljiva tujka? Ali zastopa novo samoopredelitev, novo nevidnost (za LGBTI skupnost), življenjski slog, modno muho, novo politiko, posebno teoretsko metodo ali celo novo paradigmo? Menda ne vsega naštetega?
Skratka, odkar je tudi v Ljubljani v določenih krogih popularno trditi, da si queer, je iskanje politično spodbudnih odgovorov na omenjena vprašanja še posebej pomembno za lezbično in gejevsko skupnost, saj queerovska novotarija (zaenkrat) zadeva predvsem njo. Zakaj? Ker je ta skupnost, kot je leta 1997 na podlagi intervjujev z lezbijkami zaključila Suzana Tratnik, naš »alternativni dom«, iz njega pa so tudi v Ljubljani izključeni »tisti, ki niso 'v celoti drugi', a tudi 'ne povsem/zadostno naši'«; torej obrobneži, odpadniki, izobčenci ali, kot bi rekli Američani, queeri.
Na ta in podobna vprašanja bomo skušali odgovoriti s pomočjo Tee Hvala, sociologinje, ki je kontekste, v katerih se pojem queer pojavlja v Sloveniji, raziskala v eseju Težave s spolom, ki je bil objavljen v februarski številki revije Tribuna.
Vabljene, vabljeni!
V sredo, 25. maja 2011 ob 20.00 v Klubu Tiffany (ŠKUC - Kulturni center Q).
16. mar. 2011
The World SF Blog: Reflection on In Other Wor(l)ds workshops
The "ideologically suspect" World SF Blog, dedicated to new science fiction, fantasy, horror and comics from around the world is edited by Lavie Tidhar. On March 14th, the blog featured my article on In Other Wor(l)ds workshop series where I explain how and why it all started four or five years ago ... The article can be read here or below.
In Other Wor(l)ds: Workshops in Collective Writing of Feminist-Queer Science Fiction
As a feminist activist, passionate reader of utopian fiction and hesitant writer, I often wondered why nobody in Slovenia seemed to be interested in literary games, for example in collective explorations of unthinkable ideas and unheard-of styles. My question and a possible answer might have something to do with the fact that I am relatively young yet older than my country.
Let me explain. I come from a twenty-year old country whose official language, Slovene, is spoken by two million people. In 1991, Slovene literature was appropriated for nation-building goals as it neatly legitimized the claim for Slovene independence from the Socialist Federal Republic of Yugoslavia – even though this political demand had little to do with art and a lot to do with the rise of ethnocentrism in the region. This (and the war that soon spread to Croatia and most fatally wounded Muslims in Bosnia and Herzegovina) has profoundly influenced the “serious” status of literature in Slovenia.
As an art form of national importance, literature has been serving the interests of established authors and theorists who continue to prescribe aesthetic norms that discourage innovation and guarantee that marginal authors and genres are going to stay in that position. Of course, an alternative writing scene does exists but genres such as science fiction, fantasy or horror are barely present. And since the literary market is so small (the usual print run for works released by small publishers is 800-1000 copies for fiction and 500 copies for poetry), genre authors can forget about either commercial or critical success. I was never sure whether this was a blessing or a curse.
With the help of my friends, many of whom are musicians, comics artists and zine writers, I was able to think of it as a blessing. They often organised music and comics jam sessions where strange, sometimes humorous, sometimes poetic, sometimes scary conjunctions arose from, so it seemed, pure chance. I enjoyed these encounters very much and in 2007, I decided to invite other amateur writers to jam with me and make writing a less solitary experience. So we sat around a table and started playing the Surrealist game Exquisite Corpse. Since we were less interested in automatic writing than in the points of interaction, we adjusted the technique to our needs. We decided upon a character, a setting or a plot twist and began to write. When our aching fingers forced us to stop, we assembled the pieces into a messy monster-piece, read it out loud and almost died laughing. The synchronicities were fantastic and frightening, as if our unconscious cared little for our elimination of the game’s automatic aspect. It seemed that our “emphatic repudiation of individualistic artistic value”, as Mel Gooding puts it in The Book of Surrealist Games (1993), really resulted in a “collective revelation” – one that taught us to trust our imagination and our abilities as writers.
The first public workshop took place in Amsterdam (The Netherlands) at the feminist-queer festival Ladyfest in 2008. The title In Other Wor(l)ds seemed most fitting for the occasion. It paid homage to Gayatri C. Spivak’s book In Other Worlds (1987) in which she tried to develop a methodology that would allow for non-patronising representations of “Third World women” in (Western) theory and fiction. It referred to another author whose view on the distance between – or rather, proximity of – fiction and fact is exciting for feminists and other intuitive visionaries. In the context of science fiction, Wittgenstein’s famous statement that “the limits of my language mean the limits of my world” seemed to suggest that it is possible to write about Others, those metaphorical aliens, in ways that change my own (position in the) world in the process. In short, science fiction seemed to be the perfect genre for people who think about otherness in practical details, rather than abstract concepts.
At the workshop, I invited the participants to write stories that relate or transform gender variant human characters to aliens, fremdsprachenmonstermavens, kiggies, dodots, levitating broomsticks and other queer creatures. We discussed examples of feminist Sci-Fi to see what has been done, what hasn’t been done and why it might be still hard to do it. For example, we asked why does the critique of Cartesian dualism in Ursula K. Le Guin’s ground-breaking novel The Left Hand of Darkness (1969) not automatically extend to the critique of homophobia. And why does the Other, the radically different, the hardly imaginable, often seem so monstrous? We also talked about the ways to queer the rigid conventions of gender and genre. Since ideas in Sci-Fi are often disguised as characters, we figured they are inevitably gendered, thus it must be possible to genderfuck with them in all sorts of ways. So we tried out the recipe.
In Amsterdam, we defined the characters and a plot feature. We wrote about Bo, the human, and Vlar (or Vlarrr), the non-human character. We said we’ll let them choose the setting as long as they accept to meet and run away from – or towards – something together. The stories were written by Brigitte, Anne, Sara, Diny, Caroline, Nina, Anouk and yours sincerely. The second workshop happened in Salzburg (Austria) at a conference about innovations in open-access media. Since we wrote with pens on paper, we focused on the social innovation of a very old medium indeed: language. We decided to split in a German-speaking and an English-speaking group because these were our only common languages: the group consisted of eleven people whose mother tongues were Portugese, English, Slovak, French, German and Slovene. We managed to hold hostage individual authorship for three hours and wrote about three characters – Kim, V, and 0/1 – whose gender and character were subject to rapid change. The stories took place in Salzburg in the year 2050 and were written by Cristiane, Debi, Red, Dušan, Paul, Sarah, Christian, Nikoletta, Jenny and Imre. Later, I self-published the English stories from both workshops in a zine called – you guessed it – In Other Wor(l)ds.
Since then, the concept has been used for brainstorming purposes at other independent feminist-queer events in Belgium and Great Britain to promote zine-making and self-publishing. A participant from Amsterdam, an architect, told me she and her colleagues found it useful in their profession. As for me, I finally held some workshops in my home-town, Ljubljana, in 2010. We were hosted by a radical library, an arts association and twice by a feminist-lesbian collective. The characters varied from Rx Vulgaris (a symbiotic mechanoplant), Vanja (a transgender cyborg), The Decoratives (gay activists) and female anthropomorphic cats fighting gentrification to local politicians and self-appointed intellectuals – suggesting we disguised political satire as Sci-Fi. The combination certainly worked! In addition, the hosts liked us enough to help us scrape together funds for the release of a book entitled Svetovi drugih (KUD Anarhiv, 2010).
The most recent workshop happened on February 19th 2011 at the winter edition of Lad.i.y.fest in Berlin. We played several Surrealist writing games in Sci-Fi settings with feminist-queer aspirations. For example, we collectively (de)constructed sentences like “The sexy robot slapped a strong community.” Later, we wrote several short stories, based on our favourite Exquisite Corpse sentences.
I no longer have to wonder where are all the people interested in literary games. I found them and learned that, locally speaking, “serious” literature and its inevitable identity crisis, is none of my concern. The fact that I am older than my country is an absolute advantage: I don’t even have to take myself seriously!
In Other Wor(l)ds: Workshops in Collective Writing of Feminist-Queer Science Fiction
As a feminist activist, passionate reader of utopian fiction and hesitant writer, I often wondered why nobody in Slovenia seemed to be interested in literary games, for example in collective explorations of unthinkable ideas and unheard-of styles. My question and a possible answer might have something to do with the fact that I am relatively young yet older than my country.
Let me explain. I come from a twenty-year old country whose official language, Slovene, is spoken by two million people. In 1991, Slovene literature was appropriated for nation-building goals as it neatly legitimized the claim for Slovene independence from the Socialist Federal Republic of Yugoslavia – even though this political demand had little to do with art and a lot to do with the rise of ethnocentrism in the region. This (and the war that soon spread to Croatia and most fatally wounded Muslims in Bosnia and Herzegovina) has profoundly influenced the “serious” status of literature in Slovenia.
As an art form of national importance, literature has been serving the interests of established authors and theorists who continue to prescribe aesthetic norms that discourage innovation and guarantee that marginal authors and genres are going to stay in that position. Of course, an alternative writing scene does exists but genres such as science fiction, fantasy or horror are barely present. And since the literary market is so small (the usual print run for works released by small publishers is 800-1000 copies for fiction and 500 copies for poetry), genre authors can forget about either commercial or critical success. I was never sure whether this was a blessing or a curse.
With the help of my friends, many of whom are musicians, comics artists and zine writers, I was able to think of it as a blessing. They often organised music and comics jam sessions where strange, sometimes humorous, sometimes poetic, sometimes scary conjunctions arose from, so it seemed, pure chance. I enjoyed these encounters very much and in 2007, I decided to invite other amateur writers to jam with me and make writing a less solitary experience. So we sat around a table and started playing the Surrealist game Exquisite Corpse. Since we were less interested in automatic writing than in the points of interaction, we adjusted the technique to our needs. We decided upon a character, a setting or a plot twist and began to write. When our aching fingers forced us to stop, we assembled the pieces into a messy monster-piece, read it out loud and almost died laughing. The synchronicities were fantastic and frightening, as if our unconscious cared little for our elimination of the game’s automatic aspect. It seemed that our “emphatic repudiation of individualistic artistic value”, as Mel Gooding puts it in The Book of Surrealist Games (1993), really resulted in a “collective revelation” – one that taught us to trust our imagination and our abilities as writers.
The first public workshop took place in Amsterdam (The Netherlands) at the feminist-queer festival Ladyfest in 2008. The title In Other Wor(l)ds seemed most fitting for the occasion. It paid homage to Gayatri C. Spivak’s book In Other Worlds (1987) in which she tried to develop a methodology that would allow for non-patronising representations of “Third World women” in (Western) theory and fiction. It referred to another author whose view on the distance between – or rather, proximity of – fiction and fact is exciting for feminists and other intuitive visionaries. In the context of science fiction, Wittgenstein’s famous statement that “the limits of my language mean the limits of my world” seemed to suggest that it is possible to write about Others, those metaphorical aliens, in ways that change my own (position in the) world in the process. In short, science fiction seemed to be the perfect genre for people who think about otherness in practical details, rather than abstract concepts.
At the workshop, I invited the participants to write stories that relate or transform gender variant human characters to aliens, fremdsprachenmonstermavens, kiggies, dodots, levitating broomsticks and other queer creatures. We discussed examples of feminist Sci-Fi to see what has been done, what hasn’t been done and why it might be still hard to do it. For example, we asked why does the critique of Cartesian dualism in Ursula K. Le Guin’s ground-breaking novel The Left Hand of Darkness (1969) not automatically extend to the critique of homophobia. And why does the Other, the radically different, the hardly imaginable, often seem so monstrous? We also talked about the ways to queer the rigid conventions of gender and genre. Since ideas in Sci-Fi are often disguised as characters, we figured they are inevitably gendered, thus it must be possible to genderfuck with them in all sorts of ways. So we tried out the recipe.
In Amsterdam, we defined the characters and a plot feature. We wrote about Bo, the human, and Vlar (or Vlarrr), the non-human character. We said we’ll let them choose the setting as long as they accept to meet and run away from – or towards – something together. The stories were written by Brigitte, Anne, Sara, Diny, Caroline, Nina, Anouk and yours sincerely. The second workshop happened in Salzburg (Austria) at a conference about innovations in open-access media. Since we wrote with pens on paper, we focused on the social innovation of a very old medium indeed: language. We decided to split in a German-speaking and an English-speaking group because these were our only common languages: the group consisted of eleven people whose mother tongues were Portugese, English, Slovak, French, German and Slovene. We managed to hold hostage individual authorship for three hours and wrote about three characters – Kim, V, and 0/1 – whose gender and character were subject to rapid change. The stories took place in Salzburg in the year 2050 and were written by Cristiane, Debi, Red, Dušan, Paul, Sarah, Christian, Nikoletta, Jenny and Imre. Later, I self-published the English stories from both workshops in a zine called – you guessed it – In Other Wor(l)ds.
Since then, the concept has been used for brainstorming purposes at other independent feminist-queer events in Belgium and Great Britain to promote zine-making and self-publishing. A participant from Amsterdam, an architect, told me she and her colleagues found it useful in their profession. As for me, I finally held some workshops in my home-town, Ljubljana, in 2010. We were hosted by a radical library, an arts association and twice by a feminist-lesbian collective. The characters varied from Rx Vulgaris (a symbiotic mechanoplant), Vanja (a transgender cyborg), The Decoratives (gay activists) and female anthropomorphic cats fighting gentrification to local politicians and self-appointed intellectuals – suggesting we disguised political satire as Sci-Fi. The combination certainly worked! In addition, the hosts liked us enough to help us scrape together funds for the release of a book entitled Svetovi drugih (KUD Anarhiv, 2010).
The most recent workshop happened on February 19th 2011 at the winter edition of Lad.i.y.fest in Berlin. We played several Surrealist writing games in Sci-Fi settings with feminist-queer aspirations. For example, we collectively (de)constructed sentences like “The sexy robot slapped a strong community.” Later, we wrote several short stories, based on our favourite Exquisite Corpse sentences.
I no longer have to wonder where are all the people interested in literary games. I found them and learned that, locally speaking, “serious” literature and its inevitable identity crisis, is none of my concern. The fact that I am older than my country is an absolute advantage: I don’t even have to take myself seriously!
predalček:
feminism,
in other wor(l)ds,
queer,
sci-fi,
workshop,
world sf blog,
writing
0
komentar/jev
23. feb. 2011
In Other Wor(l)ds stories from Berlin
The In Other Wor(l)ds workshop took place at the f.a.q. Laden in Neukölln on February 19th on the occasion of Lad.i.y.fest Berlin. We played several Surrealist writing games in Sci-Fi settings with feminist-queer aspirations: Definitions (Question and Answer), Conditionals and two versions of Exquisite Corpse. In the first version, we collectively (de)constructed sentences like “The sexy robot slapped a strong community”, in the second we wrote short stories, based on our favourite Exquisite Corpse sentences.
The following mistress-pieces were written by Nina, Laura, Tanja, Dare, Sybille, Katha, Raoul, Cy, Tina, Audrey, Sabine, Skyler, Tea and another (for now) anonymous participant. The list of stories will expand as soon as we manage to decode our exquisite handwritings. Until then – enjoy the ones below …
Many thanks to Lad.i.y.fest organisers for hosting the workshop and the Slovenian Embassy in Berlin for donating the wine! (The Surrealists were right: “The exquisite corpse shall drink the new wine!”)
Definitions (Question and Answer)
What is your idea of queer science fiction?
Biting the dog again and again.
What does a star look like?
Like the cow that went up the mountain.
Why is it cold?
Because the night belongs to the creatures.
Is there such a thing as luminous wonder?
Depends on the light.
Must there be light at the end of the tunnel?
Look, the teddy bear is acting like a cat!
What is the best place for a secret?
That would be just too complicated to answer.
Which pizza do you like? Peperoni?
No, the one with the book from last year.
When is it the time to fall in love?
I don’t care. Let’s just do it now.
Why are sad people so complicated?
Because blue robot ponies don’t have a sex.
Why did the Snowqueer slip on the pavement?
Because the stars are pink and there is a huge teddy bear jumping on the top of the mountain.
What’s your favourite way of making sure you’re really awake for class in the morning?
I look for a fly that flew millions of years ago in a tropic forest and got trapped in amber.
Where did you find this book?
That’s misleading the truth written in the book.
Why did you sell that pink car?
Because the nuns told me so.
How can you travel from London to Siberia?
Look for a white rabbit with your answer in her mouth.
What would you do if you noticed you peed in your pants after laughing too hard?
It’s quite simple: you would want to try to cover it with a large carpet.
Conditional
If you walk into a queer party and you can’t find anyone who looks like you, then you can fit two green jellies inside your trifle spacesuit.
Exquisite Corpse
Follow the links to reach the stories based on the first three sentences.
An ambitious thought is swimming with the multiple cyborg.
A beautiful facility manager is insisting on a heart-breaking glass window.
A wild teddy bear cried over a deconstructed baby.
The yelling princess hurt an apple-shaped glitz business.
A stupid bicycle basket fell onto a terrible caterpillar.
The beautiful bowling ball is spitting a slow cigarette.
A blue ant sculpted the queeriest crocodiles!
An amazing power is playing with spicy gloves.
A rather curious box will devour an exhausted mirror.
The wonderful Amazons danced with a very used box.
The phenomenal train met a furious birthday cake.
The sexy robot slapped a strong community.
A precious cupboard secretly fell on Cinderella.
Part 1: An Ambitious Thought ...
In Other Wor(l)ds stories from Berlin - Part 1:
An Ambitious Thought Is Swimming With the Multiple Cyborg
I. No Escape
The ambitious thought is swimming with the multiple cyborg. The flowers are falling from the trees, the birds are singing out loud and there's a terrible noise that seems like thunder: it is the nostalgic voice of another cyborg coming from the distance and it sounds like the saddest song on Earth ... Our multiple cyborg decides there and then ...
… to go to Earth and look for the other cyborg and maybe save it from its sadness. But the 1st cyborg had forgotten how people live on Earth. It was seen by the anti-terrorist forces and put in jail. There, it heard so many sad songs that it couldn't recognize the one it heard on its planet. As the 1st cyborg had no gender, the guardians put it in a cell in the women's quarter, alone, because in their world, if you are not a man you are not something else but assimilated to women. So the 1st cyborg descended deeper and deeper into sadness and soon its mission was forgotten. It thought only of the sad songs and its inability to fit into one gender box or the other. Teardrop after teardrop fell onto the concrete floor until one day one of those salty teardrops tore a hole in the floor, opening a trapdoor and sending the 1st cyborg down down down until it landed at the feet of the cyborg it had intended to save from sadness when it came to Earth.
“Hi, there you are! I was waiting here for you, really sad and terribly alone,” the other cyborg said.
“Yes, I heard your sad voice and so I decided to look for you and free you from your sadness,” the 1st cyborg explained, “but now I see this idea was too romantic. Since I've been caught and trapped here, I've become just as sad as you are.”
“Yes, but at least we're not alone now, and maybe we can escape from here.”
The other cyborg already looked a bit happier.
“But we are in a prison, there is no way to escape!”
II. The Supersonic Message
An ambitious nostalgic thought is swimming with the multiple cyborg. The cyborg carried this thought for a really long time. Thoughts were falling from its head like a fish bowl kicked so strong that all the fish fly far away ... Anyway, a head full of thoughts and some strange memories: memories from the wild sex party they threw last night.
What was that? Nostalgic thoughts? They represented what the cyborg has been longing for: cyborgs from all kinds of places, dancing to slow motion songs in ballerina suits. Oh, for sure it felt like swimming. Swimming in a sea of metallic kisses and passionate oil. That was when the multiple cyborg remembered that special robot that looked like a piece of machine from the future in 1920. All kinds of thoughts started to return to its head: “I’m gonna organize a play party this evening!”
The cyborg thought of sending a supersonic message to the whole galaxy, one that can be translated as: “Welcome to the strangest place in the universe! Everything is possible here: fucking cyborgs, aliens, robots and maybe lost humans … for one night in our timespace but in your timespace, it could represent more or less, it depends!”
The cyborg sat back, satisfied with its message. Smiling to itself, it pressed its scrawny grey thumb on the ‘send’ button.
III. Revenge of the Lonely Cyborg
The ambitious nostalgic thought is swimming with the multiple cyborg. The thought swims backwards, against the current, passing through channels and bouncing off rocks and fallen tree stumps, further and further into the past. The cyborgs swims alongside the thought, guiding it around islands and through marshy areas. While floating under a bridge, one lazy summer afternoon, the thought questioned itself.
“Why am I going backwards?” it said loudly to itself. One of the older cyborgs raised his wide head out of the water and answered: “Because you must revisit the past before you can move into the future.”
Slowly floating, the thought wondered what he would find in his past. At this point he couldn’t remember where he was coming from nor which way he had gone so far. Only when he bounced against a rock or a tree stump, he had a short flashlight of memories, astonished and confused about the way he had made so far. Where was the beginning, his origin? Or was there no origin at all? Would he just lose himself on the journey, fragmented and untraceable? And then, even if he could follow the way back to one origin, what would it tell him about the future?
Probably that he should take care of the dog more often, or write some letters to his family – the kind of precious advice that life is teaching you all through. Or: don’t step on the line, try to walk the sidewalks without stepping on the lines because that brings bad luck.
Anyway, the cyborg was lonely. A forty year old cyborg with no hopes for a future (technology doesn't last that much), thinking and meditating all day long: why nobody told me that technology doesn’t last forever, that we must be trashed too, necessarily, at a certain point? Why nobody teaches us this in school and we have to learn it the hard way ... when our metal is only good for ironing?
Even the complaining and meditating took too long, so our cyborg took a life-changing decision: “I am going to crash to the Earth, in a techno-pole, to show them where technology leads: to death ... Ah, ah, ah, I am becoming diabolic because no hope is left, no future for me, no future for others! I am going to destroy all 'scientific centers' and put bombs everywhere! Maybe the survivors will find parts of my body, maybe they'll wonder how a cyborg could be so lonely?! They might understand that all planets are perfect and loneliness exists everywhere …”
IV. In the Here and Now
The ambitious nostalgic thought is swimming with a multiple cyborg called Az. It lives in another world, far from us. Whoever built it had in mind an ideal world. Az should be clever, free-minded, not straight, but it met another cyborg called By, lost in this ideal world.
By: It’s boring, we don't have to fight anyone!
Az: I don’t agree! This world is so wonderful, no more discrimination! Everyone can live freely!
By shook its head sadly: “What good is freedom if it wasn't fought for? Furthermore, what do we learn by relaxing in this peaceful paradise? Is there no challenge here, can't we use our minds for a single moment?”
Az didn’t know what to say. It arrived to this ideal world just a few days ago: “How long have you been here?” it asked.
“3 years, 99 days, 4 hours and 36 minutes,” By replied.
Az: “And what did you do all this time? You just seem to be bored with this perfect place and you’ve forgotten what it means to fight. Now the fighting for freedom looks like a great heroic adventure to you but don’t forget about the all pain and suffering it causes!” Az looked a bit furious because his beautiful thought was questioned that way.
Oh, stop telling me what to think,” By replied angrily, “you came here with your fantastic thoughts about perfect life, telling me your wisdom – but you didn’t live this life! What do you know about it?”
“The point is that when you arrive to the ideal world, nothing is like you imagine it would be. When you live 'this' life, the ideal world is far away, unreachable. And it seems to be perfect because our reality is 'here'. Our reality doesn’t taste good, the ideal world does. But the ideal world is not here.”
When By stepped into the ideal world he couldn’t believe it because it had became part of the 'here' and the 'here' is where we experiment, what we live. And if we live something we don’t like, then we have to fight to change it. This desire for change, even in the paradise of the ideal, was too shocking for By, who realized that he was never living in such an ideal place, that this static picture was an illusion of reality. When By met Az, he realized there were many things that needed to be done. And that’s when he joined Az in the fight. He also realized that Az was not a 'he' but a 'she' and that by calling 'him' 'he' was trying to see the world as a place made only for him.
When he saw that there were others, different ones, and saw a part of the fight as well, he started to call Az for what she was, a complete cyborg, independent of pronouns. And both kept on fighting together. Ideal world or reality, call it as you want. The fact is that they are fighting HERE.
Part 2: A Beautiful Facility Manager ...
An Ambitious Thought Is Swimming With the Multiple Cyborg
I. No Escape
The ambitious thought is swimming with the multiple cyborg. The flowers are falling from the trees, the birds are singing out loud and there's a terrible noise that seems like thunder: it is the nostalgic voice of another cyborg coming from the distance and it sounds like the saddest song on Earth ... Our multiple cyborg decides there and then ...
… to go to Earth and look for the other cyborg and maybe save it from its sadness. But the 1st cyborg had forgotten how people live on Earth. It was seen by the anti-terrorist forces and put in jail. There, it heard so many sad songs that it couldn't recognize the one it heard on its planet. As the 1st cyborg had no gender, the guardians put it in a cell in the women's quarter, alone, because in their world, if you are not a man you are not something else but assimilated to women. So the 1st cyborg descended deeper and deeper into sadness and soon its mission was forgotten. It thought only of the sad songs and its inability to fit into one gender box or the other. Teardrop after teardrop fell onto the concrete floor until one day one of those salty teardrops tore a hole in the floor, opening a trapdoor and sending the 1st cyborg down down down until it landed at the feet of the cyborg it had intended to save from sadness when it came to Earth.
“Hi, there you are! I was waiting here for you, really sad and terribly alone,” the other cyborg said.
“Yes, I heard your sad voice and so I decided to look for you and free you from your sadness,” the 1st cyborg explained, “but now I see this idea was too romantic. Since I've been caught and trapped here, I've become just as sad as you are.”
“Yes, but at least we're not alone now, and maybe we can escape from here.”
The other cyborg already looked a bit happier.
“But we are in a prison, there is no way to escape!”
II. The Supersonic Message
An ambitious nostalgic thought is swimming with the multiple cyborg. The cyborg carried this thought for a really long time. Thoughts were falling from its head like a fish bowl kicked so strong that all the fish fly far away ... Anyway, a head full of thoughts and some strange memories: memories from the wild sex party they threw last night.
What was that? Nostalgic thoughts? They represented what the cyborg has been longing for: cyborgs from all kinds of places, dancing to slow motion songs in ballerina suits. Oh, for sure it felt like swimming. Swimming in a sea of metallic kisses and passionate oil. That was when the multiple cyborg remembered that special robot that looked like a piece of machine from the future in 1920. All kinds of thoughts started to return to its head: “I’m gonna organize a play party this evening!”
The cyborg thought of sending a supersonic message to the whole galaxy, one that can be translated as: “Welcome to the strangest place in the universe! Everything is possible here: fucking cyborgs, aliens, robots and maybe lost humans … for one night in our timespace but in your timespace, it could represent more or less, it depends!”
The cyborg sat back, satisfied with its message. Smiling to itself, it pressed its scrawny grey thumb on the ‘send’ button.
III. Revenge of the Lonely Cyborg
The ambitious nostalgic thought is swimming with the multiple cyborg. The thought swims backwards, against the current, passing through channels and bouncing off rocks and fallen tree stumps, further and further into the past. The cyborgs swims alongside the thought, guiding it around islands and through marshy areas. While floating under a bridge, one lazy summer afternoon, the thought questioned itself.
“Why am I going backwards?” it said loudly to itself. One of the older cyborgs raised his wide head out of the water and answered: “Because you must revisit the past before you can move into the future.”
Slowly floating, the thought wondered what he would find in his past. At this point he couldn’t remember where he was coming from nor which way he had gone so far. Only when he bounced against a rock or a tree stump, he had a short flashlight of memories, astonished and confused about the way he had made so far. Where was the beginning, his origin? Or was there no origin at all? Would he just lose himself on the journey, fragmented and untraceable? And then, even if he could follow the way back to one origin, what would it tell him about the future?
Probably that he should take care of the dog more often, or write some letters to his family – the kind of precious advice that life is teaching you all through. Or: don’t step on the line, try to walk the sidewalks without stepping on the lines because that brings bad luck.
Anyway, the cyborg was lonely. A forty year old cyborg with no hopes for a future (technology doesn't last that much), thinking and meditating all day long: why nobody told me that technology doesn’t last forever, that we must be trashed too, necessarily, at a certain point? Why nobody teaches us this in school and we have to learn it the hard way ... when our metal is only good for ironing?
Even the complaining and meditating took too long, so our cyborg took a life-changing decision: “I am going to crash to the Earth, in a techno-pole, to show them where technology leads: to death ... Ah, ah, ah, I am becoming diabolic because no hope is left, no future for me, no future for others! I am going to destroy all 'scientific centers' and put bombs everywhere! Maybe the survivors will find parts of my body, maybe they'll wonder how a cyborg could be so lonely?! They might understand that all planets are perfect and loneliness exists everywhere …”
IV. In the Here and Now
The ambitious nostalgic thought is swimming with a multiple cyborg called Az. It lives in another world, far from us. Whoever built it had in mind an ideal world. Az should be clever, free-minded, not straight, but it met another cyborg called By, lost in this ideal world.
By: It’s boring, we don't have to fight anyone!
Az: I don’t agree! This world is so wonderful, no more discrimination! Everyone can live freely!
By shook its head sadly: “What good is freedom if it wasn't fought for? Furthermore, what do we learn by relaxing in this peaceful paradise? Is there no challenge here, can't we use our minds for a single moment?”
Az didn’t know what to say. It arrived to this ideal world just a few days ago: “How long have you been here?” it asked.
“3 years, 99 days, 4 hours and 36 minutes,” By replied.
Az: “And what did you do all this time? You just seem to be bored with this perfect place and you’ve forgotten what it means to fight. Now the fighting for freedom looks like a great heroic adventure to you but don’t forget about the all pain and suffering it causes!” Az looked a bit furious because his beautiful thought was questioned that way.
Oh, stop telling me what to think,” By replied angrily, “you came here with your fantastic thoughts about perfect life, telling me your wisdom – but you didn’t live this life! What do you know about it?”
“The point is that when you arrive to the ideal world, nothing is like you imagine it would be. When you live 'this' life, the ideal world is far away, unreachable. And it seems to be perfect because our reality is 'here'. Our reality doesn’t taste good, the ideal world does. But the ideal world is not here.”
When By stepped into the ideal world he couldn’t believe it because it had became part of the 'here' and the 'here' is where we experiment, what we live. And if we live something we don’t like, then we have to fight to change it. This desire for change, even in the paradise of the ideal, was too shocking for By, who realized that he was never living in such an ideal place, that this static picture was an illusion of reality. When By met Az, he realized there were many things that needed to be done. And that’s when he joined Az in the fight. He also realized that Az was not a 'he' but a 'she' and that by calling 'him' 'he' was trying to see the world as a place made only for him.
When he saw that there were others, different ones, and saw a part of the fight as well, he started to call Az for what she was, a complete cyborg, independent of pronouns. And both kept on fighting together. Ideal world or reality, call it as you want. The fact is that they are fighting HERE.
Part 2: A Beautiful Facility Manager ...
predalček:
berlin,
feminist,
in other wor(l)ds,
ladyfest,
queer,
sci-fi,
short story,
workshop
0
komentar/jev
Part 2: A Beautiful Facility Manager ...
In Other Wor(l)ds stories from Berlin - Part 2:
A Beautiful Facility Manager Is Insisting on a Heart-Breaking Glass Window
I. Clashing Histories
A beautiful facility manager insisted on a heart-breaking glass window.
“Give in, give in to my beauty!” shouted the manager. By now she was in despair. Normally, her charms always worked, no matter how pressing the window’s heart-ache was. This window didn’t make a screech. One if its panes moved slightly, from left to right, as if to say: “No.”
“What do I have to do to heal your shattered window-heart? I tried duct tape, chewing gums, even the new subparticle glue … Please, talk to me!”
Was this a dream? A bad one, it seemed. A kind of nightmare. Since when did he notice that this special window was talking to him? And why did he think it was female? Nobody knew he liked women. It was forbidden, the machines didn’t want it. Why was he so sad about the broken glass? He couldn’t remember. This shouldn’t be happening. The machines. Was evolution really this bad?
He was male. That was the only thing he knew.
“Go to hell,” he shouted, “go to hell, all of you!”
Stretching Robin woke up. He looked over to the corner where he kept the window. She was still there. Shattered. And his dream slipped away from him.
“Time for another appointment with the high Wita. Stay there,” he said, “and don’t move.”
Talking to a mirror again, oh dear. He crawled up the ladder and into the air vent that protruded insignificantly into the room. He had to make his way to the bowels of the ship. It was magik time. He had to witness the Ritual.
“Psst.”
He heard a sound as he tried to wriggle him ample hips through the small hole. He paused, sweating. No other life forms apart from the Facility workers were allowed in the ship. That’s unless you count the witches. And of course, no one knew about them.
“Psst.”
He heard it again. He lowered his feet down onto his screen shelf where all the Universe’s oracles were kept. He pushed his shoulders through, and bruising the right one, he landed with a bump on the second layer of his cabin.
The only thing with even a vague Life-Energy was the mirror. But that was impossible. Surely the forces had died long ago with the genocide that had rid the planets of all humans. Womyn. Was that how it was spelled? He wasn’t sure. The histories seemed to clash.
Moving over to the mirror, he observed his long lashes repeated in her eyes.
“Why the fuck mirrors? Are mirrors glasses? Window-glasses? What a stroke of genius of fate. Of course, at this point people did not believe in faith, a somewhat anachronistic concoction, anymore. But then, in spite of technology, how do you know – to have picked mirrors as the last remnant of life-energy?
The thought of recovering a mirror, that symbol of vanity and coherence of the self, tickled Robin’s sense of glory. He pictured himself as the hero, just like in the texts he had at one point read in brain training.
Robin the hero would save those he loved most – women, womyn – and himself, rescue them from the planet where it was possible to survive only with the help of mirrors. Robin didn’t know exactly where to but knew how it should look like. He gave the idea a second thought and suddenly he wasn’t sure anymore if he knows where to go. Sure about the need to leave and sensing that the journey away from the planet will be long and exhausting but nonetheless necessary, Robin started preparing for the journey of his life.
II. Potatoes Don't Have a Gender
A beautiful facility manager was insisting on a heart-breaking glass window. She was sitting in a large oval room, surrounded by kaleidoscopes of windows. Rainbow-light was reflecting everywhere, bouncing off her hair, giving it the colour of the old flags she had seen in the history Portals, carried on poles by strange women with short hair. Her salopettes were slightly wet with sweat and she was sitting surrounded by fragments of broken glass.
A short, curvy figure walked up to her: “What are you doing, Ariadne?”
“Shh!,” the other said. Her stained fringe shook irritably: “'I'm concentrating.”
It had taken her so long to get to this point, she felt. And yet only a few hours ago she had been sitting in the mess-cafeteria, sipping her tomato juice with Vox. And now they were here, at last. And she had to concentrate. Hard. Or everything might be lost.
Vox ate her mashed potato hungrily. Ariadne was acting strangely. Quiet, frowning. Holding her tomato juice in her hand, barely drinking it and eating nothing, even though they had a busy day of Lyte Krystal mining ahead. What the hell was going on with her?
Annoyed, she finished and slurped down her cold, luminous energy T. In a way she felt manipulated, as if she was in some kind of sarcastic system of cow-willing-sipping luminous energy T in the morning, replenishing, just to pour all the energy into the Lyte Krystal. On the other hand, their plan was projecting an arduous night ahead.
While sipping on the mashed potatoes (yes, they could be sipped as well if X-rayed with the sharp light of the awakening morning), they were sorting out the last details of the night that was lying ahead. They didn't let themselves be bothered by the annoying phone ringing, or by people who were passing by, iodizing in wonder at the two persons sitting on the floor, surrounded by glass-spirals, eating breakfast and talking just as casually as if they were shopping at the market. No, they didn't let themselves be disturbed by the BIG ONE, who was flying into town and who was way more important than any of their human concerns.
Ariadne's concentration period was finished. She opened her eyes again and instantly the rainbow-light disappeared from her voluminous hair. As she looked around herself, nervous about the BIG JUICY ONE's arrival, she noticed that her hair looked even longer and darker in the shattered glass reflection. She wished she could cut it right there, at once, just like Vox did after seeing the holographic representation of her strong predecessors' history of struggle against the BIG ONE. What worries! Now, only a hundred years later, she and Vox were on a diplomatic mission to introduce the BIG ONE to the new mashed potatoes recipe which healed the heart-break off all species, BIG and small.
Everything became great as Vox accepted the new wisdom. And everybody really loved the BIG POTATO ONE. Potatoes don't have a gender. Who knew it would be that easy? And it all started with a facility manager ...
III. Metamorph Now!
A beautiful facility manager insisted on a heart-breaking glass window. So he looked at it. Why do these cyborgs always destroy windows? That was his life: queering ponies, broken crocodiles.
“Mr. Suffer?”
Oh, no. He hated to be called by his real name.
“Yes, divine queen of perverts?”
Cyborgs are so logically engaged. You can’t win.
“Why is there a teddy lying on the second floor?”
“I don’t know. Do you wish that I metamorph it?”
“No, thanks.”
And then he saw it. The face in the window. Again. This planet was a mess.
He looked down and returned to his work. They called him Mr. Suffer but nobody knew his real name. He forgot it a long ago, in the Third-Iron-Age. And no one bothered to give cyborgs a name these days. There were too many of them … us … no, them. So hard to think of the trillions of slick figures of his kind. And of course, that is what the humans always wanted. To de-figure them. To take cyborg culture and hide it from all second-class citizens of the Eleventh Galaxy. No wonder, he thought cynically. With the combined life-force of these eternal lifeforms, a revolution could be staged.
“Screech.”
Again he heard it, that sound that his Professoress once described as the sound of fingers scraping a blackboard.
“Screech.”
Quickly, he looked up. Nothing.
“Queenie, oh queenie,” he mumbled.
His Supervisoress reappeared.
“About that teddy: can you metamorph it after all? Its fuzzy little legs are bringing out my maternal instincts.”
“Yes, Ma’am.”
Typical, he thought. She was scared.
Scribbling little letters which don’t deserve their name onto the surface of the table, the divine queen of perverts was pondering: “Is there a difference between Teddies and Cyborgs, and if yes, who gets to name them? In a way, Teddies had been just very lucky but maybe also strategic in selling their fuzzy legs as completely inoffensive; so trivial and cute that revolutionary metamorphosis could not be thought of.”
Queenie started thinking aloud but just couldn't get it why the Cyborgs were always said to be biologically engaged. After all, she never saw any Cyborg sharing its desire with another Cyborg. At least not with her own eyes. Or was she simply ignorant? Maybe she imagined desire in a certain way, thought it had to assume a certain shape ...
In this moment, Mr. Suffer realised he was in his own world. There were still teddies around him but no cyborgs in sight although he could swear he smelled the overwhelming saliva from their mouths ... not in sight but surely present. Instead, only a sales-person was looking at him like he was insane. He was sure that this sales-person thought so, but he didn’t care about it. Cyborgs were around him and they might have desires, too (he just didn’t see them) ... and he himself ... yes, he himself ... a small flash of insight grew … became huge ... yes, he desired them! He desired THEM!
“Oooh! Cyborgs,” he screeched like a nail scraping against rusty metal, “why wasn’t I constructed as an autoerotic cyborg, why can’t I just please myself?!”
“Don’t despair,” shouted the divine queen of perverts, “metamorph! Metamorph now!”
“Yes, I am ... am ... mmh ...”
His electronic consciousness faded out for a second, perhaps a century. When he opened his eyes again, he realized he was tied to the iron frame of a velvet-red bed. A dozen fluffy and warm teddies were sitting on his chest, salivating with desire and gazing transfixed into his many compound eyes.
“Who am I,” he thought, “what have I become?”
Perhaps it no longer mattered ...
IV. One grows, one grows up to the task of growing
A beautiful facility manager was insisting on a heart-breaking glass window. The window belonged to a fancy shop with antique teddy bears. They were not in the best shape, some of them were missing legs, some of them had no head, but looking at them, the facility manager could cry tears – so beautiful they were in their uniqueness! They were to be exhibited, the facility manager decided, and so s_he went against the conviction of her_his colleagues and clients who thought s_he's gone crazy. S_he was standing in front of the shop, looking at it from a distance, aware of the treasure that was lying behind the wooden bulk windows. S_he was thinking of teddy bears and their heads and legs and bellies and filling that was partly pushing to the surface of their beings. S_he could almost smell their fur, it had the sweet odour of years of humidity.
“Aaa-khm!”
The facility manager moved her/his beautiful head towards the sudden sound. What was that?
“Aaa-khm,” repeated the sound and by now (s)he knew that this was not some random noise from the street, not the cracking of the boards that covered the window – no, the sound was coming from behind the boards. (S)he brought her perfectly violet nose closer to the window and looked at the damp teddy bears from real close. One of them seemed to move slightly, as if to stretch its muscles. Suddenly, it pulled out a sign that said: “WE ARE NOT EXHIBITS. FLUCK YOU!”
“What?”
“Which part of the sentence you didn't understand?”
“Maybe the 'Fluck you' part.”
“C'mon, I'm a bear. Do you expect a perfect pronunciation or what?”
“I didn't even know that a toy is able to talk.”
“I'm lonely. And my name is Zoo, by the way.”
“What kind of a name is 'Zoo'?”
The bear seemed to grow: “What kind of a job is a 'facility manager'?”
“You're a naughty little bear.” Am I really talking to a bear, she thought in the mean time, I should visit the doctor. While it wondered, the bear apparently returned to its inanimate stasis. And then: “Naughty little bear, am I? Are you trying to dominate me or what?”
Aa-khm laughed: “Well, I guess they don't call you 'Bears' for nothing. Who would think that toys are into BDSM?!”
To her/his surprise, the teddy laughed heartily with her. Did it understand? No one, not even the Sybil-IV's got his/her jokes. They were too old-fashioned, filled with references to a time long gone. So s/he kept laughing, hysterically now, the sound coming deep from hir belly.
“Look, shut-up,” the teddy bear hissed, “you've got to get me out of here. I'm old and trapped. Look, my shagging is starting to get mouldy.” Zoo held up a leg impatiently, showing Aa-khm the newly-formed star crystals. Zoo was here for too long and too frustrated to bandy about PleasSex with a facility manager. However, s_he was pleasantly appealing. Zoo quickly thought about how simple it was for it to label people as appealing or not. Where did it learn that? Behind the glass window, checking out passers-by.
Like a balloon with its sides stretching, Zoo became larger. A kind of an unpleasant feeling, but one grows, one grows up to the task of growing, stretching, filling up space. Like a yeast dough with a slightly fractured surface. Fractured? It started with some cracks, cracks turning into fractals, like sprinkled sugar all over the place. A kind of slow-motion but steady, then a point of fullness, a point where glass resistance is overwhelmed by Zoo's mighty belly, crashing and cracking, shattering all over the floor. The glass window is broken, and so is Zoo's mightily enlarged heart. Literally.
V. Embizzle's Home
A beautiful facility manager was insisting on a heart-breaking glass window. Glass had proven instrumental to Embizzle's daily routine at least once or twice before. Its power to break people's hearts, literally, helped her once to dodge a ticket checker, another time to stop a night train from departing on time.
Looking at the window frame, Embizzle could not help giving in to the – what was by now thought to be obsolete – way of insulating living units. So Embizzle was choosing the occasions, the moments when it used its power very carefully and sparsely. It always focused on something that was incredibly important to it or to those it loved. And it loved people very much. Throughout the years it would observe how its use of power made people do things they wouldn't do otherwise but were just more right – they brought more equilibrium and justice (however vague this concept might be). However, when people would act in a more just way, their hearts would turn bigger and bigger until they would explode.
Embizzle itself was hurt by it and now, at this point was wondering whether the glass windows were the key to get rid of all this pain. After all, the glass was supposedly emotionless – and motionless. But wasn't there always something, someone behind the window glass?
Embizzle tried to look through the dusty window but only saw its own reflection. Its beauty was typical of its species: vertical eyes, horizontal nose, vertical mouth et cetera. But Embizzle was used to her face. So used, xe no longer noticed it. Right now she knew only one thing: her reflection in the dark dusty window was on her way, preventing her from seeing what was behind it. So s/he smashed the window with her fist.
She was surprised to see how easily the glass broke. How soft. It melted away and she was surprised again. The window was hiding a different room. There stood a scientist and mumbled: “Oh no, oh no, oh no.”
Embarrassing. Her beloved H was a small scientist? An ant? An insect with a writing pad in its hands? Ridiculous?
Embizzle wished she hadn't broken the window. This story was going to end really bad and she knew who would suffer in the end – herself. Looking at the scientist she noticed something strange about the creature. Although it definitely had insecticide characteristics it also had the same slightly slanting eyes as H, Embizzle's own long mouth. But, as well as this, the scientist had long white fingers, which were writing feverishly in a book. Looking at H, her own heart was breaking.
“Hello Embizzle.” The creature smiled: “Recognise me? I am your syster.”
And Embizzle knew then, where her ana…est dreams and skills had led her. Here. Home. To this beautiful, tri-specied creature, truly a child of the anti-speciesist Order's own philosophy. Looking at her, Embizzle knew that her hardest work had only just begun. Instead of breaking hearts, she would now have to learn to mend her own.
Part 3: A Wild Teddy Bear ...
A Beautiful Facility Manager Is Insisting on a Heart-Breaking Glass Window
I. Clashing Histories
A beautiful facility manager insisted on a heart-breaking glass window.
“Give in, give in to my beauty!” shouted the manager. By now she was in despair. Normally, her charms always worked, no matter how pressing the window’s heart-ache was. This window didn’t make a screech. One if its panes moved slightly, from left to right, as if to say: “No.”
“What do I have to do to heal your shattered window-heart? I tried duct tape, chewing gums, even the new subparticle glue … Please, talk to me!”
Was this a dream? A bad one, it seemed. A kind of nightmare. Since when did he notice that this special window was talking to him? And why did he think it was female? Nobody knew he liked women. It was forbidden, the machines didn’t want it. Why was he so sad about the broken glass? He couldn’t remember. This shouldn’t be happening. The machines. Was evolution really this bad?
He was male. That was the only thing he knew.
“Go to hell,” he shouted, “go to hell, all of you!”
Stretching Robin woke up. He looked over to the corner where he kept the window. She was still there. Shattered. And his dream slipped away from him.
“Time for another appointment with the high Wita. Stay there,” he said, “and don’t move.”
Talking to a mirror again, oh dear. He crawled up the ladder and into the air vent that protruded insignificantly into the room. He had to make his way to the bowels of the ship. It was magik time. He had to witness the Ritual.
“Psst.”
He heard a sound as he tried to wriggle him ample hips through the small hole. He paused, sweating. No other life forms apart from the Facility workers were allowed in the ship. That’s unless you count the witches. And of course, no one knew about them.
“Psst.”
He heard it again. He lowered his feet down onto his screen shelf where all the Universe’s oracles were kept. He pushed his shoulders through, and bruising the right one, he landed with a bump on the second layer of his cabin.
The only thing with even a vague Life-Energy was the mirror. But that was impossible. Surely the forces had died long ago with the genocide that had rid the planets of all humans. Womyn. Was that how it was spelled? He wasn’t sure. The histories seemed to clash.
Moving over to the mirror, he observed his long lashes repeated in her eyes.
“Why the fuck mirrors? Are mirrors glasses? Window-glasses? What a stroke of genius of fate. Of course, at this point people did not believe in faith, a somewhat anachronistic concoction, anymore. But then, in spite of technology, how do you know – to have picked mirrors as the last remnant of life-energy?
The thought of recovering a mirror, that symbol of vanity and coherence of the self, tickled Robin’s sense of glory. He pictured himself as the hero, just like in the texts he had at one point read in brain training.
Robin the hero would save those he loved most – women, womyn – and himself, rescue them from the planet where it was possible to survive only with the help of mirrors. Robin didn’t know exactly where to but knew how it should look like. He gave the idea a second thought and suddenly he wasn’t sure anymore if he knows where to go. Sure about the need to leave and sensing that the journey away from the planet will be long and exhausting but nonetheless necessary, Robin started preparing for the journey of his life.
II. Potatoes Don't Have a Gender
A beautiful facility manager was insisting on a heart-breaking glass window. She was sitting in a large oval room, surrounded by kaleidoscopes of windows. Rainbow-light was reflecting everywhere, bouncing off her hair, giving it the colour of the old flags she had seen in the history Portals, carried on poles by strange women with short hair. Her salopettes were slightly wet with sweat and she was sitting surrounded by fragments of broken glass.
A short, curvy figure walked up to her: “What are you doing, Ariadne?”
“Shh!,” the other said. Her stained fringe shook irritably: “'I'm concentrating.”
It had taken her so long to get to this point, she felt. And yet only a few hours ago she had been sitting in the mess-cafeteria, sipping her tomato juice with Vox. And now they were here, at last. And she had to concentrate. Hard. Or everything might be lost.
Vox ate her mashed potato hungrily. Ariadne was acting strangely. Quiet, frowning. Holding her tomato juice in her hand, barely drinking it and eating nothing, even though they had a busy day of Lyte Krystal mining ahead. What the hell was going on with her?
Annoyed, she finished and slurped down her cold, luminous energy T. In a way she felt manipulated, as if she was in some kind of sarcastic system of cow-willing-sipping luminous energy T in the morning, replenishing, just to pour all the energy into the Lyte Krystal. On the other hand, their plan was projecting an arduous night ahead.
While sipping on the mashed potatoes (yes, they could be sipped as well if X-rayed with the sharp light of the awakening morning), they were sorting out the last details of the night that was lying ahead. They didn't let themselves be bothered by the annoying phone ringing, or by people who were passing by, iodizing in wonder at the two persons sitting on the floor, surrounded by glass-spirals, eating breakfast and talking just as casually as if they were shopping at the market. No, they didn't let themselves be disturbed by the BIG ONE, who was flying into town and who was way more important than any of their human concerns.
Ariadne's concentration period was finished. She opened her eyes again and instantly the rainbow-light disappeared from her voluminous hair. As she looked around herself, nervous about the BIG JUICY ONE's arrival, she noticed that her hair looked even longer and darker in the shattered glass reflection. She wished she could cut it right there, at once, just like Vox did after seeing the holographic representation of her strong predecessors' history of struggle against the BIG ONE. What worries! Now, only a hundred years later, she and Vox were on a diplomatic mission to introduce the BIG ONE to the new mashed potatoes recipe which healed the heart-break off all species, BIG and small.
Everything became great as Vox accepted the new wisdom. And everybody really loved the BIG POTATO ONE. Potatoes don't have a gender. Who knew it would be that easy? And it all started with a facility manager ...
III. Metamorph Now!
A beautiful facility manager insisted on a heart-breaking glass window. So he looked at it. Why do these cyborgs always destroy windows? That was his life: queering ponies, broken crocodiles.
“Mr. Suffer?”
Oh, no. He hated to be called by his real name.
“Yes, divine queen of perverts?”
Cyborgs are so logically engaged. You can’t win.
“Why is there a teddy lying on the second floor?”
“I don’t know. Do you wish that I metamorph it?”
“No, thanks.”
And then he saw it. The face in the window. Again. This planet was a mess.
He looked down and returned to his work. They called him Mr. Suffer but nobody knew his real name. He forgot it a long ago, in the Third-Iron-Age. And no one bothered to give cyborgs a name these days. There were too many of them … us … no, them. So hard to think of the trillions of slick figures of his kind. And of course, that is what the humans always wanted. To de-figure them. To take cyborg culture and hide it from all second-class citizens of the Eleventh Galaxy. No wonder, he thought cynically. With the combined life-force of these eternal lifeforms, a revolution could be staged.
“Screech.”
Again he heard it, that sound that his Professoress once described as the sound of fingers scraping a blackboard.
“Screech.”
Quickly, he looked up. Nothing.
“Queenie, oh queenie,” he mumbled.
His Supervisoress reappeared.
“About that teddy: can you metamorph it after all? Its fuzzy little legs are bringing out my maternal instincts.”
“Yes, Ma’am.”
Typical, he thought. She was scared.
Scribbling little letters which don’t deserve their name onto the surface of the table, the divine queen of perverts was pondering: “Is there a difference between Teddies and Cyborgs, and if yes, who gets to name them? In a way, Teddies had been just very lucky but maybe also strategic in selling their fuzzy legs as completely inoffensive; so trivial and cute that revolutionary metamorphosis could not be thought of.”
Queenie started thinking aloud but just couldn't get it why the Cyborgs were always said to be biologically engaged. After all, she never saw any Cyborg sharing its desire with another Cyborg. At least not with her own eyes. Or was she simply ignorant? Maybe she imagined desire in a certain way, thought it had to assume a certain shape ...
In this moment, Mr. Suffer realised he was in his own world. There were still teddies around him but no cyborgs in sight although he could swear he smelled the overwhelming saliva from their mouths ... not in sight but surely present. Instead, only a sales-person was looking at him like he was insane. He was sure that this sales-person thought so, but he didn’t care about it. Cyborgs were around him and they might have desires, too (he just didn’t see them) ... and he himself ... yes, he himself ... a small flash of insight grew … became huge ... yes, he desired them! He desired THEM!
“Oooh! Cyborgs,” he screeched like a nail scraping against rusty metal, “why wasn’t I constructed as an autoerotic cyborg, why can’t I just please myself?!”
“Don’t despair,” shouted the divine queen of perverts, “metamorph! Metamorph now!”
“Yes, I am ... am ... mmh ...”
His electronic consciousness faded out for a second, perhaps a century. When he opened his eyes again, he realized he was tied to the iron frame of a velvet-red bed. A dozen fluffy and warm teddies were sitting on his chest, salivating with desire and gazing transfixed into his many compound eyes.
“Who am I,” he thought, “what have I become?”
Perhaps it no longer mattered ...
IV. One grows, one grows up to the task of growing
A beautiful facility manager was insisting on a heart-breaking glass window. The window belonged to a fancy shop with antique teddy bears. They were not in the best shape, some of them were missing legs, some of them had no head, but looking at them, the facility manager could cry tears – so beautiful they were in their uniqueness! They were to be exhibited, the facility manager decided, and so s_he went against the conviction of her_his colleagues and clients who thought s_he's gone crazy. S_he was standing in front of the shop, looking at it from a distance, aware of the treasure that was lying behind the wooden bulk windows. S_he was thinking of teddy bears and their heads and legs and bellies and filling that was partly pushing to the surface of their beings. S_he could almost smell their fur, it had the sweet odour of years of humidity.
“Aaa-khm!”
The facility manager moved her/his beautiful head towards the sudden sound. What was that?
“Aaa-khm,” repeated the sound and by now (s)he knew that this was not some random noise from the street, not the cracking of the boards that covered the window – no, the sound was coming from behind the boards. (S)he brought her perfectly violet nose closer to the window and looked at the damp teddy bears from real close. One of them seemed to move slightly, as if to stretch its muscles. Suddenly, it pulled out a sign that said: “WE ARE NOT EXHIBITS. FLUCK YOU!”
“What?”
“Which part of the sentence you didn't understand?”
“Maybe the 'Fluck you' part.”
“C'mon, I'm a bear. Do you expect a perfect pronunciation or what?”
“I didn't even know that a toy is able to talk.”
“I'm lonely. And my name is Zoo, by the way.”
“What kind of a name is 'Zoo'?”
The bear seemed to grow: “What kind of a job is a 'facility manager'?”
“You're a naughty little bear.” Am I really talking to a bear, she thought in the mean time, I should visit the doctor. While it wondered, the bear apparently returned to its inanimate stasis. And then: “Naughty little bear, am I? Are you trying to dominate me or what?”
Aa-khm laughed: “Well, I guess they don't call you 'Bears' for nothing. Who would think that toys are into BDSM?!”
To her/his surprise, the teddy laughed heartily with her. Did it understand? No one, not even the Sybil-IV's got his/her jokes. They were too old-fashioned, filled with references to a time long gone. So s/he kept laughing, hysterically now, the sound coming deep from hir belly.
“Look, shut-up,” the teddy bear hissed, “you've got to get me out of here. I'm old and trapped. Look, my shagging is starting to get mouldy.” Zoo held up a leg impatiently, showing Aa-khm the newly-formed star crystals. Zoo was here for too long and too frustrated to bandy about PleasSex with a facility manager. However, s_he was pleasantly appealing. Zoo quickly thought about how simple it was for it to label people as appealing or not. Where did it learn that? Behind the glass window, checking out passers-by.
Like a balloon with its sides stretching, Zoo became larger. A kind of an unpleasant feeling, but one grows, one grows up to the task of growing, stretching, filling up space. Like a yeast dough with a slightly fractured surface. Fractured? It started with some cracks, cracks turning into fractals, like sprinkled sugar all over the place. A kind of slow-motion but steady, then a point of fullness, a point where glass resistance is overwhelmed by Zoo's mighty belly, crashing and cracking, shattering all over the floor. The glass window is broken, and so is Zoo's mightily enlarged heart. Literally.
V. Embizzle's Home
A beautiful facility manager was insisting on a heart-breaking glass window. Glass had proven instrumental to Embizzle's daily routine at least once or twice before. Its power to break people's hearts, literally, helped her once to dodge a ticket checker, another time to stop a night train from departing on time.
Looking at the window frame, Embizzle could not help giving in to the – what was by now thought to be obsolete – way of insulating living units. So Embizzle was choosing the occasions, the moments when it used its power very carefully and sparsely. It always focused on something that was incredibly important to it or to those it loved. And it loved people very much. Throughout the years it would observe how its use of power made people do things they wouldn't do otherwise but were just more right – they brought more equilibrium and justice (however vague this concept might be). However, when people would act in a more just way, their hearts would turn bigger and bigger until they would explode.
Embizzle itself was hurt by it and now, at this point was wondering whether the glass windows were the key to get rid of all this pain. After all, the glass was supposedly emotionless – and motionless. But wasn't there always something, someone behind the window glass?
Embizzle tried to look through the dusty window but only saw its own reflection. Its beauty was typical of its species: vertical eyes, horizontal nose, vertical mouth et cetera. But Embizzle was used to her face. So used, xe no longer noticed it. Right now she knew only one thing: her reflection in the dark dusty window was on her way, preventing her from seeing what was behind it. So s/he smashed the window with her fist.
She was surprised to see how easily the glass broke. How soft. It melted away and she was surprised again. The window was hiding a different room. There stood a scientist and mumbled: “Oh no, oh no, oh no.”
Embarrassing. Her beloved H was a small scientist? An ant? An insect with a writing pad in its hands? Ridiculous?
Embizzle wished she hadn't broken the window. This story was going to end really bad and she knew who would suffer in the end – herself. Looking at the scientist she noticed something strange about the creature. Although it definitely had insecticide characteristics it also had the same slightly slanting eyes as H, Embizzle's own long mouth. But, as well as this, the scientist had long white fingers, which were writing feverishly in a book. Looking at H, her own heart was breaking.
“Hello Embizzle.” The creature smiled: “Recognise me? I am your syster.”
And Embizzle knew then, where her ana…est dreams and skills had led her. Here. Home. To this beautiful, tri-specied creature, truly a child of the anti-speciesist Order's own philosophy. Looking at her, Embizzle knew that her hardest work had only just begun. Instead of breaking hearts, she would now have to learn to mend her own.
Part 3: A Wild Teddy Bear ...
predalček:
berlin,
feminist,
in other wor(l)ds,
ladyfest,
queer,
sci-fi,
short story,
workshop
0
komentar/jev
Part 3: A Wild Teddy Bear ...
In Other Wor(l)ds stories from Berlin - Part 3:
A Wild Teddy Bear Cried Over a Deconstructed Baby
I. One-Way Baby Route to Neukölnoid
A wild teddy bear cried over a deconstructed baby when Elija awakened on its new planet. The sun had just risen and the tidy hills were covered in a kind of pinkish light. Even Elija's skin looked a bit pinkish. Except for the teddy bear and the baby everything seemed to be empty. Just these hills (Elija remembered them from some kids show), everywhere. When Elija looked closer, she saw that the teddy bear's tears were small little wool balls that started rolling down the hills and when they got stuck somewhere, they sprouted little trees with wool-ball leaves.
The baby didn't know it was deconstructed, it didn't care. It started playing with the wool balls and wool-ball trees. Elija didn't know what to think about all this, but then she thought that she also didn't have to, and started playing with the baby, throwing wool balls and piling the up. The teddy bear was still crying, so more and more wool rolled down the hills. But when Elija and the baby stopped touching the balls, the teddy stopped crying immediately. It started singing and the baby began to reconstruct itself.
When the baby was in one piece again, Elija noticed that somebody was shouting. A lot of creatures here, she thought. She saw the shouting one crawling on the sand towards them very quickly. It was a giant blue slug, now heading for the baby. It hugged the baby while softly talking to it and seemed very happy.
The happy times were over and done! The community did not approve those happy F-E-E-L-I-N-G-S, as they called them, in the stratosphere of deconstruction. The teddy bear unveiled his mask – it never cried, that was just woollen leakage coming from the old grandpa disguised in a fluffy bear. This was a strategy employed by the people of the planet of Media Deconstruction to deconstruct semi-innocent babies! Then they would use the babies as prototypes to live on planet Earth.
The way to stop this circus was to save the babies by transporting them to another dimension called Neukölnoid where no teddy bear could find them. As we speak, the new babies are coming to their new habitat. And yes, it's a one-way baby route to Neukölnoid! The robots of Neukölnoid will be happy to adopt these new imported life forms.
II. “Bahbahbuaha ...”
Back to Introduction
Back to the workshop invitation where the writing technique is explained (in case you were wondering what on Earth this is).
A Wild Teddy Bear Cried Over a Deconstructed Baby
I. One-Way Baby Route to Neukölnoid
A wild teddy bear cried over a deconstructed baby when Elija awakened on its new planet. The sun had just risen and the tidy hills were covered in a kind of pinkish light. Even Elija's skin looked a bit pinkish. Except for the teddy bear and the baby everything seemed to be empty. Just these hills (Elija remembered them from some kids show), everywhere. When Elija looked closer, she saw that the teddy bear's tears were small little wool balls that started rolling down the hills and when they got stuck somewhere, they sprouted little trees with wool-ball leaves.
The baby didn't know it was deconstructed, it didn't care. It started playing with the wool balls and wool-ball trees. Elija didn't know what to think about all this, but then she thought that she also didn't have to, and started playing with the baby, throwing wool balls and piling the up. The teddy bear was still crying, so more and more wool rolled down the hills. But when Elija and the baby stopped touching the balls, the teddy stopped crying immediately. It started singing and the baby began to reconstruct itself.
When the baby was in one piece again, Elija noticed that somebody was shouting. A lot of creatures here, she thought. She saw the shouting one crawling on the sand towards them very quickly. It was a giant blue slug, now heading for the baby. It hugged the baby while softly talking to it and seemed very happy.
The happy times were over and done! The community did not approve those happy F-E-E-L-I-N-G-S, as they called them, in the stratosphere of deconstruction. The teddy bear unveiled his mask – it never cried, that was just woollen leakage coming from the old grandpa disguised in a fluffy bear. This was a strategy employed by the people of the planet of Media Deconstruction to deconstruct semi-innocent babies! Then they would use the babies as prototypes to live on planet Earth.
The way to stop this circus was to save the babies by transporting them to another dimension called Neukölnoid where no teddy bear could find them. As we speak, the new babies are coming to their new habitat. And yes, it's a one-way baby route to Neukölnoid! The robots of Neukölnoid will be happy to adopt these new imported life forms.
II. “Bahbahbuaha ...”
A wild Teddy Bear cried over a deconstructed baby.
“Not again!” said the baby, this time completely deconstructed. Teddy Bear had done this before. The last time it was when the omnipresent Robot had a massive jet-lag and started deconstructing the baby furiously.
“Look,” said the baby, “I think someone is manipulating with our time and space coordinates. That's why you leak tears, my dearest Teddy bear.” As soon as the baby said that, the Teddy Bear started vomiting uranium jelly candies.
In that moment, Ara the Third of the 3 Homeless Companions, randomly travelling through the space, entered the enormous bathroom of their ship. She spotted the candy and started to collect it from Teddy and stuffed it into her mouth.
“We have to do something,” Teddy Bear gasped.
“I like the candy,” Ara the huge parrot said. After she took a look at the baby she changed her mind: “OK, I do have an aunt on Planet B3, she is a witch and maybe she can help us. But we probably need the candy to pay her, so you need to stop eating it.”
They found a hygiene products bag in the bathroom and held it under Teddy's mouth to collect the candy. When it was full they left the bathroom and hitch-hiked to Planet B3.
During their travel the baby deconstructed more and more. Its body became only texts and discourses, its gender was gone long ago. But its shit was still real and they had forgotten to take enough diapers along. They used whatever they could find in the various spaceships and spaceship stops but they were still very happy when they finally met the witch. But something was wrong with her.
“Oh, my babyyy,” the witch screamed with tears in her eyes, “I've been searching for you forever.” She took the baby under her hairy armpits, watching it closely.
The baby made babbling sounds: “Bahbahbuaha ...”
What happened to it during the journey? Where did all its words go? Did it lose them? And what did it receive instead of words? The witch smiled happily and looked a bit scary with her black yellow sharp teeth.
“Finally you are ready, baby. The only purpose of your journey was to bring me the total power of deconstruction. I will see, finally see! I'll be the last and final judge.” And so she kissed our little deconstructed baby and sucked. She sucked until nothing was left except for the little crying Teddy Bear.
Back to Introduction
Back to the workshop invitation where the writing technique is explained (in case you were wondering what on Earth this is).
predalček:
berlin,
feminist,
in other wor(l)ds,
ladyfest,
queer,
sci-fi,
short story,
workshop
0
komentar/jev
6. feb. 2011
In Other Wor(l)ds workshop at Lad.i.y.fest Berlin
My next writing workshop is going to take place at the 2011 winter edition of Lad.i.y.fest on Saturday, February 19th from 12.00 to 15.00 at the f.a.q. Laden in Jonasstrasse 40 in Neukölln, Berlin.
In Other Wor(l)ds: Collective Writing of Feminist-Queer Science Fiction
In Other Wor(l)ds: Collective Writing of Feminist-Queer Science Fiction
At the workshop, we are going to hold hostage individual authorship. We won’t wait for inspiration and we won’t worry about controlling the narrative either. Instead, we are going to play with the rigid conventions of genre and gender by disguising feminist-queer ideas as utopian characters of our choice.
The roboladies of Hermannstrasse.
The workshop will start with a short discussion about feminist-queer science fiction and the ideas or characters we would like to explore in an utopian setting. We will continue by playing several Surrealist games in “automatic writing” in order to relax and prepare for the climax: the collective writing of gender-fucking and mind-bending speculative stories. To amuse ourselves, we are going to conclude the workshop with a reading of our mistress-pieces.
We are going to play the following games: Definitions (or Question and Answer), Conditionals and two versions of Exquisite Corpse. The game descriptions below are taken from Mel Gooding's A Book of Surrealist Games (Shambhala Redstone Editions, Boston, 1993). In Gooding's words, these games can be played by anyone. The strange conjunctions, humorous or poetic, that they generate give them their point since the exploration of chance with automatic techniques is central to these and many other Surrealist games.
The two faces of Ardra (from the Star Trek series).
Conditionals: for two or more players. The same procedure as before, but in this case the first player must write a hypotetical sentence beginning with ‘If’ or ‘When’, then conceal it. The second player writes a sentence in the conditional or future tense.
Exquisite Corpse: for a minimum of three players. Each writes on a sheet of paper a definite (‘The’) or indefinite (‘A’) article and an adjective. The sheet is folded so as to conceal the words, and passed round to the next player. Each player than writes a noun, conceals it, and the process is repeated with a verb, another definite or indefinite article and adjective, and finally another noun. The paper is unfolded and the sentences read out. Players may agree on small changes to ensure grammatical consistency. The game acquired its name from the first sentence obtained in that way: “The exquisite corpse shall drink the new wine.”
I modified the game Exquisite Corpse in order to use it for collective writing of stories at In Other Wor(l)ds workshops in the following way: for four or five players (or several groups of four or five). Each participant begins by writing her own story. Ten minutes later, he passes the piece to the next person. After reading it (or not), xe continues where the other person stopped. The workshop is finished when everyone has written a part of every story and they are read aloud to ourselves or to the audience that can endure it;)
The workshop will be in English. Please, bring a pen and some paper!
predalček:
feminism,
in other wor(l)ds,
queer,
sci-fi,
short story,
workshop,
writing
0
komentar/jev
15. sep. 2010
When we Move, It's a Movement
Drage drage,
obveščam vas, da sem septembra na Fakulteti za podiplomski humanistični študij ISH na programu Antropologija spolov uspešno zagovarjala svojo magistrsko nalogo o feminističnem in kvirovskem festivalu Rdeče zore »When we Move, it's a Movement«. Rdeče zore Festival as a Feminist-Queer Counterpublic [»Ko se premaknemo, nastane gibanje«. Festival Rdeče zore kot feministično-queerovska kontrajavnost].
Naloga je v angleščini, za izposojo pa je na voljo v Škratovi čitalnici in Lezbični knjižnici (obe sta na Metelkovi).
obveščam vas, da sem septembra na Fakulteti za podiplomski humanistični študij ISH na programu Antropologija spolov uspešno zagovarjala svojo magistrsko nalogo o feminističnem in kvirovskem festivalu Rdeče zore »When we Move, it's a Movement«. Rdeče zore Festival as a Feminist-Queer Counterpublic [»Ko se premaknemo, nastane gibanje«. Festival Rdeče zore kot feministično-queerovska kontrajavnost].
Naloga je v angleščini, za izposojo pa je na voljo v Škratovi čitalnici in Lezbični knjižnici (obe sta na Metelkovi).
predalček:
counterpublic,
feminist,
feminizem,
kontrajavnost,
magistrska,
queer,
rdeče zore,
red dawns,
zagovor
1 komentar/jev
16. avg. 2010
Svetovi drugih v Kulturnem centru Q
BuQve - LGBTIQ literatura in kultura v okviru projekta Ljubljana - svetovna prestolnica knjige 2010 in Kulturni center Q (kluba Monokel in Tiffany) vas v okviru BuQev vabita na delavnico
SVETOVI DRUGIH
Skupinsko pisanje in risanje feministično-queerovske znanstvene fantastike
Na delavnici nas bodo zanimali svetovi drugih z veliko začetnico, recimo, svetovi cele vrste izobčencev, ki spreminjajo spol; tudi tistih, ki tega ne zmorejo, nočejo ali ne znajo; fantovskih punc, ki niso možače; ženstvenih dečkov, ki se ne lišpajo; aseksualnih biseksualcev; in lezbijk in gejev in queerov in strejtov, ki se na polno ali po malem zaljubljajo v vesoljce, kiborge, mehanorastline in druge čudake.
Vsakdo bo začel svojo zgodbo in jo čez čas podal drugemu udeležencu, ki bo napisano prebral in zgodbo nadaljeval po lastnem okusu. Zgodbe bodo krožile, dokler ne bo vsak udeleženec prispeval svoje pisave k vsaki zgodbi. Če nas bo (na primer) šest, bo tako nastalo šest zgodb. Risanje bo potekalo po istem principu. Delavnico bomo zaključili z zelo glasnim branjem, ogledovanjem risb in cmokanjem – smoki, sok in smeh zagotovljeni!
Delavnico bo vodila Tea Hvala.
Vse zgodbe in risbe bodo objavljene na spletu, konec septembra pa – ohoho! – tudi v zborniku.
Delavnica je brezplačna. Predhodna prijava ni potrebna. Prinesi svoje pisalo in/ali risarski pribor.
Vljudno vabljena/e/i/o/u!
V petek, 20. avgusta 2010, ob 17.00 na vrtu Kulturnega centra Q,
AKC Metelkova mesto, Ljubljana (Če bo deževalo, v Klubu Monokel)
Projekt je del programa Ljubljana - svetovna prestolnice knjige 2010.
Projekt je sofinancirala Mestna občina Ljubljana.
SVETOVI DRUGIH
Skupinsko pisanje in risanje feministično-queerovske znanstvene fantastike
Na delavnici nas bodo zanimali svetovi drugih z veliko začetnico, recimo, svetovi cele vrste izobčencev, ki spreminjajo spol; tudi tistih, ki tega ne zmorejo, nočejo ali ne znajo; fantovskih punc, ki niso možače; ženstvenih dečkov, ki se ne lišpajo; aseksualnih biseksualcev; in lezbijk in gejev in queerov in strejtov, ki se na polno ali po malem zaljubljajo v vesoljce, kiborge, mehanorastline in druge čudake.
Vsakdo bo začel svojo zgodbo in jo čez čas podal drugemu udeležencu, ki bo napisano prebral in zgodbo nadaljeval po lastnem okusu. Zgodbe bodo krožile, dokler ne bo vsak udeleženec prispeval svoje pisave k vsaki zgodbi. Če nas bo (na primer) šest, bo tako nastalo šest zgodb. Risanje bo potekalo po istem principu. Delavnico bomo zaključili z zelo glasnim branjem, ogledovanjem risb in cmokanjem – smoki, sok in smeh zagotovljeni!
Delavnico bo vodila Tea Hvala.
Vse zgodbe in risbe bodo objavljene na spletu, konec septembra pa – ohoho! – tudi v zborniku.
Delavnica je brezplačna. Predhodna prijava ni potrebna. Prinesi svoje pisalo in/ali risarski pribor.
Vljudno vabljena/e/i/o/u!
V petek, 20. avgusta 2010, ob 17.00 na vrtu Kulturnega centra Q,
AKC Metelkova mesto, Ljubljana (Če bo deževalo, v Klubu Monokel)
Projekt je del programa Ljubljana - svetovna prestolnice knjige 2010.
Projekt je sofinancirala Mestna občina Ljubljana.
12. jul. 2010
Svetovi drugih v Škratovi čitalnici - zgodbe
Na delavnici, ki je potekala v soboto, 10. julija, v Škratovi čitalnici na Metelkovi, smo sodelovali Ana, Ida, Iva, Matej in Tea. Za fantastične zaplete so poskrbeli naslednji skrbno izbrani junaki in junakinje: Črvuza (Meduza v črvivi preobleki), Smola (500 let stara inteligentna tekočina), klošar Joža in bambusovo drevo.
Iva Kosmos je v torek, 20. julija, v Dnevniku objavila prispevek o delavnici z naslovom Znanstvenofantastični "jam session" z meduzo, klošarjem in bambusom.
Darilo
Zbudila se je pod novimi poganjki bambusa. Bila je še ženskega spola, a je čutila, kako se ji po žilah pretaka vedno več testosterona. Biti moški ji ni bilo preveč po srcu, v tistih obdobjih se je s svojo partnerico Črvuzo razumela najslabše. Zato pa so ji bili najbolj pri srcu trenutki, ko je prehajala med ženskim in moškim spolom. S Črvuzo sta takrat živeli blaženost. S črvički, ki so rasli iz Črvuzine glave, je imela ob prehajanju res poglobljen stik. Nova se je zato odločila, da jo obišče.
Tisti dan je bilo čarobno, šli sta na obisk k Smoli. Smola je bila zelo inteligentna tekočina, stara 500 let. Ravno takrat je praznovala rojstni dan, zato je bila še posebej radodarna. Na videz je bila rahlo odvratna, a ko si se je dotaknil, če ti je uspelo premagati občutke gnusa in groze, so vate pronicala znanja, ki si jih je nabrala v letih svojega obstoja. Bilo je kot mamilo.
Že je hotela seči po tem opojnem darilu, ki ga je vsem drugim bitjem tako radodarno nudila Smola, a se je potem spomnila, da sta oni dve – se pravi, ona dva – na vrsti za to, da Smoli poklonita darilo za rojstni dan. Medtem, ko je Črvuza-skoraj-moški brskala po svoji damski torbici za darilom, se je njena partnerka že sklonila k čebriču, v katerem se je lesketal pametni fluid, in iztegnila jezik, da bi zaužila kapljico überinteligence, a v tistem jo je Črvuza krcnila po licu in jo strogo, čisto po moško pogledala, češ: »Ne, ne, ne še, draga. Še malo boš morala počakati.«
Darila za überinteligentno, pronicljivo in oh in sploh najglobljo Smolo ni bilo lahko izbrati. S punco sta dolgo razmišljali, posebej zato, ker je Črvuza ravnokar spreminjala spol in s tem nehote tudi svoj okus. Strinjali sta se, da bi Modri Vodi morda ugajala papirnata ladjica, ki bi ji omogočila, da se vsaj za trenutek osredotoči na eno samo točko in namesto stalne razpršenosti občuti relativno trdnost osrediščene identitete, značilne za Črvuze. Nikakor pa se nista mogli zediniti glede tega, kakšno ladjico naj ji kupita: lahek javanski čolnič? Ali raje impresivno kopijo jahte Tom Cruise? Morda bi Smoli še najbolj ustrezala 500 let stara replika Kolumbove Santa Marie – mar ni Smola praznovala svoje lastne 500-letnice? In tako sta se (takrat še) punci odločili za modelček Santa Marie.
»Izvoli,« sta rekli Smoli. »Vse najboljše!«
»Hvala,« je prijazno zabrenkala tekočinca in odvrnila, »Vama tudi«.
Pogledali sva se in vedeli, na kaj misli. Bili sva eden redkih parov, ki jih fluidno moško-ženska razvojna pot ni ločila. Preživeli sva tudi fazo, ko sem utrujala kot Ivana Orleanska in se zaobljubila Avtoriteti, pa potem čas, ko je Črevuza še živela kot Meduza in se zatreskala v Tezeja, pa tudi prekleti testosteronski Jim Morisson nam ni mogel nič, bila sem z njo – no takrat z njim, čeprav je položila vse naokrog, vedno sva se vračala druga drugi.
»In kaj sta tokrat?« je prijazno vprašala Starosta Smola.
»Črevuza je ona,« sem tiho odgovorila. (No ja, najbrž ste že ugotovili, da sem sam zapisovalec teh vrstic, zato lahko preidem tudi v prvo osebo.)
Smola se je nasmehnila, vedno je bolj ljubila ženski princip, čeprav se je sama razglašala za nevtralno.
»... Toda, jaz, tokrat ... Ne vem,« sem tiho priznala.
»Seveda veš, vsi vemo, kdo smo,« je prepričano dejala Modra Smola. Bil sem tiho.
»Mislim, da je tokrat drugače, Spoštovana,« sem si drznila oporekati.
»Morda je to tudi razlog današnjega obiska, če sem čisto iskrena,« me je podprla najljubša Črvivka, »Pomagaj nama odkriti, tokrat ne veva. Res!«
Smola je bila nekaj časa tiho. »OK,« je končno rekla, »do sedaj smo vas vedno spravili na pravo pot, tudi tokrat bomo. Začnimo z najlažjim vprašanjem. Ladjica, vajino darilo, čigava ideja je bila?«
»Skupna,« sem odgovoril.
»Aha,« je skeptično pomežiknila Smola in uprla pogled v Črvuzo. »Torej?«
Črvuza me je opravičujoče pogledala in pomignila z glavo v moji smeri.
Iskreno. Na tej točki ne vem več, zakaj je to vprašanje sploh še pomembno. Edino etično opravičilo, ki bi ga trenutno še zmogla sprejeti, je to, da moje vedenje o tem, kdo sem, vpliva na moje bližnje. Vse bolj se mi zdi, da je nekoliko nepravično, da se moram jaz vedno spraševati o tem, kdo sem, medtem ko je šizofreno stanje moje Črvivke razumljeno kot nekaj povsem sprejemljivega, skoraj tako sprejemljivo kot Smolina razpršenost.
Postal sem nervozen in kar naenkrat mi je Smolina skoraj arogantna vsevednost začela iti strašno na živce. Skoraj bi že vzrojil in napravil totalni fiasko iz celotnega dogodka, ko se je v meni zganil enako silovit občutek pomiritve in ljubezni, kot je žgoči bes. Čustvi sta v meni divjali tako močno, da sem za dolg moment obstala popolnoma brezizrazno pred mojima ljubima, kakor da nič ni. Potem sem z jezikom pocuzal Črvin sesek, srknila šilce Smolinega izločka in sklenil: »Mah, ni važno. Kam gremo ob naslednjem Luninem mrku? Razmišljal sem, da bi šle skupaj na protest proti izčrpavanju fosforja na Luni. To bi bilo smiselno, mar ne?«
Odšla sva, saj Smole nisva hoteli obremenjevati s svojo nedefinirano formo in večnimi transformacijami, vendar si ostajava zvesta.
Smola pa taka
»Smola pa taka«, je zaklela peta lovka z leve, ki je ravnokar hotela zajeti požirek inteligentne tekočine, ko je ta nepričakovano poniknila v izsušena tla pod še bolj suhim bambusom. Četrta lovka z desne, ki je vse skupaj opazovala z zadovoljnim, privoščljivim seskom, se je lagodno sesedla na Črvuzino glavo in zavzdihnila.
»Ahh,« je rekla, »res imaš smolo, čeprav ti je ušla«.
Peta lovka z leve se je namrdnila in spet zaklela. Težko je bilo živeti s kopico črvivih lovk, privilegirank, ki so vse že pile iz »studenca modrosti« in ki so se odkrito naslajale nad njenimi poskusi, da bi izmuzljivo pametno tekočino, brezbarvno in brez okusa, končno ujela in zaužila. S svojo nesposobnostjo je ovirala razvoj celotne črvuzijanske vrste in vsako noč znova se je praskala po prisesku, da bi se končno spomnila finto, na katero bo ujela presihajočo pamet. Neke noči – bila je polna luna in njena matična plošča, Črvulja, je plesala kot nora – pa jo je končno prešinilo.
»Ja, to je to!«
Sistemsko nalaganje podatkov, ki jih je bila Črvuza sprejemala prek priseskov na matično ploščo, je bilo od dotiku s Smolo neprimerljivo hitrejše. Bilo je nekako tako kot bi Windowse zamenjal za operacijski sistem Linux in doživel skoraj orgazmično sprostitev ob sprostitvi živcev, ki ti jih nesposobni operacijski sistemi napenjajo popolnoma po nepotrebnem. Amorfna Smola se je zopet prikazala iz starega odrevenelega bambusa nedaleč od roba nasada.
Peta lovka z desne, ki je bila v neposredni bližini, se je sunkovito stegnila in posesala tekočino, ki je zvedavo štrlela iz luknje. Noro! Kakšno nenadno razsvetljenje in obilica podatkov. Ni se mogla načuditi svoji popolni nevednosti, preden se je to zgodilo. A hkrati z vednostjo jo je napolnila tudi globoka sočutna žalost, da tega privilegija ni mogla deliti s celotno vrsto, z mnoštvom pomnoženih inteligenc, ki so spreminjale vsako Črvuzo. Stvari se dogajajo vedno v nesinhronem času, vedno tako strašno neusklajeno, kakor da čas ne bi pripadal istemu prostoru. In kdo bi to vedel bolj kot Smola, stara in nepredvidljiva gmota, ki se je Črvuzam hkrati gnusila in jih privlačila. Kakor serum mesojedih rastlin, je tudi Smola imela svoj smrtonosni objem. Ponudila je posameznim črvom ene Črvuze, ki se je pred njenim zaužitje počutila kot harmonična celota, da je spoznala pasti neenakosti, hierarhije in nepravičnosti.
Moramo pa vedeti, da imajo tudi lovke svojo lastno pamet. Med drugim lahko tudi med sabo telepatsko komunicirajo in prenašajo podatke preko vmesnika – matične plošče. Ravno to je bil tisti način, finta pete lovke z leve. Ko je peta lovka z desne prejela novo smolno vedenje, se je tudi 5. lovka z leve povezala z njo in prejela informacijo, ki je bila enaindvajsetodstotna. »Še malo, pa bo,« si je mislila.
Peta lovka z leve, Ljubica, kot se je rada ljubkovalno klicala, se je vedno imela za inovatorko. Včasih pa tudi za aktivistko. Ravno zdaj so se ji po glavi podile misli, kako vsem črvom ene Črvuze, ali, kaj le njim, celotni črvuzijanski vrsti priskrbeti to opojno pamet Smole. Pamet, ki prinaša vedenja, ki ti lahko pomagajo v razvoju, ampak zna postati tudi uničujoča sila, če je zlorabljena. Ljubica ni mislila na negativne posledice, želela je spremembo za vsako ceno. Blazno ji je šlo na živce, da so eni privilegirani in drugi ne. »Vstaja, vstaja!«, to bo izvedla. In začela nadalje razvijati načrt…
Takole bova naredili, Ljubica, si je rekla, šli bova po drugi poti okoli glave, da naju ne bo Smola spet izgnala, mogoče bova tokrat res dobili podatke od neke druge lovke, saj nama manjka širina, a ne… si je godrnjala.
V tem trenutku pa je Črevuza od nekod privlekla glavnik in si z vso ihto pričela česati svoje lovke. Kaj bi hujšega! Lovke so ponorele in poskušale za vsako ceno ostati na svojih mestih, saj so jim dane pozicije za priklop na matično ploščo več kot ustrezale. Le Ljubica je izkoristila trenutek nepozornosti ostalih lovk in se z mesta pete lovke na levi odkradla na prvo mesto v sredi. Misleč, da bo tam dobila bolj zanimive in sočne podatke in da bo lahko nadvladala kolegice, se je precej pohvalila: »A ste videle, tako bo zdaj to«.
Medtem je Črevuza dojela, kaj se dogaja, začela je ihteti in besno mahati z glavo, peti besne navijaške pesmi, upajoč, da bodo lovke kot ponavadi utihnile in se povlekle v spodobne kravžlčke.
Toda leva se ni dala, stegovala je glavo proti Smoli in brezbarvna tekočina se ji je bližala, stegovala je fluidne ude, kot bi si res želela, da jo leva posrka do konca, kot bi si res želela Črevuzin padec in smrt.
Leva je zasadila glavo v tekočino in žlampala, hlastno žlampala vsevedni sok.
Črevuza je kričala. Nato je utihnila, začutila, kako izginja. Peta lovka je prevzela, postala je Črevuza. Njeno zavest je prežela svetloba, moč, vsevedje: lahko se osvobodijo, postanejo enake, zaživijo posamezno, lahko so vse ali nič. Kar hočejo.
Črevuza – vladarica lovk – je odprla oči; oči leve lovke, oči upornice in aktivistke. Lovke so se pretegnile in mirno prisluhnile sporočilu, ki se je iz matične plošče prelivalo v njihova bitja.
»Tako. Vse je v redu. Dobro smo. Pijte Smolo in uživajte. Nič slabega se nam ne more zgoditi.«
Smola jih je napojila.
In vse je bilo kot prej.
Boj za Jožo
Bilo bo enkrat, ko čas ne bo več definiran in ko bo prostor prost fizičnih spon in gravitacije in tam se najde bambusovec, pod katerim klošar Joža kot že tolikokrat poležava v prijetni senci.
Klošar Joža je preprost človek, kateremu ni treba razumeti vsega v tem nedefiniranem okolju in času. Pa vendar se mu vedno znova, pod tistim bambusom, zastavljajo vprašanja. Sam je namreč znova in znova izpostavljen stiku s smolo, ki kaplja nanj z bambusa. Ta bambus namreč ni navaden bambus, pač pa se je drevo z leti prelevilo v nekaj povsem nedefiniranega. Z leti se je vanj naselila Smola. Smola se je izdajala za čisto navadno drevesno smolo, saj so jo preganjali. V resnici je bila razvito bitje. Vsekakor bolj kot ljudje, ki so živeli na tem pozabljenem in zavrženem planetu, Zemlji. Smola je bila edina svoje vrste, a to je ni preveč obremenjevalo. Imela je načrt. Brezdomec Joža pa je bil del njega.
Vedela je, da če se bo dovolj njene smolaste tekočine dotaknilo njegove kože in bo ta vanj pronicala dovolj dolgo, bo postal drugačen. Najprej bo začel razmišljati o okolju, ki ga obdaja, opustil vse svoje slabe navade, ki mu uničujejo jetra in možgane, potem pa bo začel razmišljati o svojem obstoju in odprlo se mu bo novo vesolje. Vesolje, v katerem živi Smola. Oba bi pridobila marsikaj, si je mislila Smola. On bi vpil različna in mnogovrstna znanja ter vedenja, ki jih je posedovala Smola. Ona pa bi pridobila prijatelja, s katerim bi se lahko pogovarjala. Tega ni počela že zelo dolgo. Resnici na ljubo, bila je osamljena. Ampak tako je to, če si edini svoje vrste, povrhu pa star še 500 let.
Spomnila se je Črvuze. Takrat ni šlo vse po načrtih. a sedaj gotovo bo, je bila prepričana vase. Samozavest je bila njena močna plat. A na žalost ne čisto upravičeno.
Smola je imela kompleksno biokemično strukturo, ki jo je večina teles izločevala kot tujek. Ker je imela popolnoma nelinearen semantični kod, jo je večina bitij po zaužitju dojela kot nenavadno paranojo, preveč odprto zavest, ki pa se je v naslednjem trenutku spet razblinila, kot trenutna slabost, ko je nastopila biokemijska alergetska reakcija. Smola je ves ta čas iskala idealnega gostitelja, ki bi absorbiral njeno želatino in rodil hibridna bitja, ki bi imela mnogo večjo sposobnost asimilacije v telesih. Po njenih izračunih bi v manj kot sto letih popolnoma prerasla zavest vseh zemeljskih bitij in jim vbrizgala ne le enotne, temveč popolnoma iste vrednote. Kako ironično, da je ravno v Jožetu, večnem uporniku in družbenem izločku, našla idealnega gostitelja za popolno ukinitev pluralnosti. Nežno je padala na njegove osivele lase in se utirala skozi pore njegove garjave kože. »Rodil bo! In rodil jih bo mnogo!«
Ja, rodil jih bo – če ne bo prišla Črvuza. Črvuza je bila njeno nasprotje, edina in najbolj nevarna nasprotnica. Če je bila Smola eno, je bila Črvuza vse – jaz in ti, ona in one, mi-vi-oni-tisti, Tisti z veliko T, drugi, Drugi z velikim D, tuje, strano, a obenem moje in tvoje. Vse. Vedela je, da bo prišla in ji vzela Jožo, projekt na katerem je delala tako dolgo, njeno popotnico za prihodnost. Vprašanje je samo, kdaj bo prišla.
Zdaj?
Zakaj pa ne?
Pod drevesom se je utelesila človeška podoba – vedela je, da tako lažje nagovori Jožeta – njene mnogoterosti so se tokrat odrazile v črvivih poganjkih iz telesa – iz glave, iz ust, iz prstov, iz popka, iz nog, iz bedrc, iz stegen, iz riti, ja, celo iz anusa se je vil bel poganjek z ogabno črvivo glavico. (Čeprav se zdi strašljivo, je to bila precej standardna Črevuzina preobleka – odtod tudi ime!)
Joža se je blentavo zazrl v podobo in narahlo odprl krastava usta.
»Joža, a me hočeš?« je zašepetalo črvivo bitje.
Smoli je zastal dih. »Prasica,« je siknila in se takoj popravila: »Trakulja! Črvulja! Grdoba nagravžna! Spizdi!« A Črevuza se ni zmenila za te kot čreva dolge in skrajno dolgočasne zmerljivke. Ob pogledu na Jožo ji je bilo jasno, da je zmagala. Gostitelj, ta zajetna zevajoča posoda, je bil že njen. Voljna, mehka gnusoba njenih prekanjenih črvivih vitic ga je že osvojila. Z zasanjanim, odsotnim pogledom, lačen in žejen Črevuljine seksi modrosti, razpršene na tisoč malih črvjih glavic, ki so obljubljale večno naslado in užitek, se ji je že ves predal. Črevulja se je počasi zleknila okrog njegove otrple, zgrbljene postave.
Smola je obupano in totalno brez ideje, kaj naj stori, pač storila isto. Razlezla se je okrog Jože. Črevulja tega ni dovolj hitro opazila in ko je hotela svoj sluzavi krog okrog gostitelja zožati, je dojela, da se ne more več premakniti. Prilepila se je na Smolo!
»Fak! Fak! Fak!« sta hkrati vzklikali Črevulja in Smola, presenečeni in zgroženi ob spoznanju, da sta se pravkar obsodili na večno sobivanje.
»Fak! Fak! Fak!« sta vzklikali, povsem prepričani, da bo njuno sožitje sovražno, in torej ne bo obstalo, ampak bo počasi, od znotraj razžrlo obe.
»Fak! Fak! Fak!« je neinteligentno, celo prostaško odmevalo nad mostom in mestom.
Joža se je odkašljal, popraskal po glavi, skomignil z rameni in z neverjetno lahkotnostjo preskočil ogabni obroč. V travi je pobrskal za svojo staro prijateljico flašo, jo nagnil in se karseda hitro pobral.
Čisto nepapeška punca
Vsaj veter je bil še podoben nečemu, kar je Smola čutila, da lahno drsi po njeni želatinasti rjavo zeleni površini kot nekoč. Čas je postal zanjo razblinjena spremenljivka, ki jo nisi mogel ujeti za rep, ni imel glave, pa vendar je zobal njeno obstojno sprejemljivost. Pod temi škripajočimi štrclji je sluzila življenje že pol milenija – bolj ali manj gnusna za večino mimoidočih bitij, ki so bila vsa po vrsti arogantna in nesposobna ugledati, da je ta sluzasta mastna tvorba v sebe vsrkavala vsakršno, še tako neznatno interferenco iz celotnega vesolja. A brez božanskih razsežnosti jih je prevajala v sebe le kot subsonične zvoke, ki bi vsakemu, ki bi presegel strašen gnus ob pogledu nanjo, posredovala orgazmično senzorično izkušnjo. Presegla bi vsak seks, vse droge ali psihadelične izkušnje. Bila bi močnejša od delirija psihotikov.
»Ma daj, jebi se!« je zasikalo bitje, ki se je očitno pazljivo sklonilo nad papir, ki ga je v tišini poscanega javnega stranišča popisovala tekočina. Popisovala? No ja, bolj se je raztegnila po papirju in tam negibno obstala dokler se niso po njem od začetka do konca prikazale lične črke, podobne pisavi nekdanjih duhovnikov, iluminatorjev.
»Že 300 let čepiš v tem prostoru in čeprav vem, da si enkrat stregla Papeža, danes si večji nič kot jaz sama!«
»Spet ti, nečednica.« Tekočina se je tiho premaknila, medtem ko je oddajala svoje misli v Črvuzine možgane. Črvuzini beli lasje so se razpleli, švisnili po zraku, vsak las je bel črv z rdečkastimi kolobarčki postal, smrad po postanem je izpolnil prostor in sikali so: »Kurac, pička, palačinka, ne kliči me nečednica!! Križ, ogenj, vatra, led zakaj si me zapustila?!«
»Ker nisem več devica,« je tiho zašepetal črv, ki je glavico potopil v zdaj skoraj prozoren tekočinasti hribček na Črvuzinem ramenu.
»Ne govori tako, pizda!« ga je iz tekočine povlekel drugi, belkast, ogaben, enako visokega glasu. »Spomni se revolucije! Nikoli več razprav o himenu! Odrezali smo si ga in biti eno je lepo!«
»Ja, biti eno je lepo!« je milo zapela, zašuštela, zatrepetala črviva druščina Črvuzinih las, dekle pa je zaprlo oči, še vedno pa je slišala odmevati besede tekočine, katere ji niso in niso šle iz glave.
Vendar se dekle ni pustilo motiti, opravila je svoje na tistem WC-ju in hočeš nočeš zgrabilo papir, na katerem se je nahajala tekočina, si jo obrisala in ga mirno zabrisala v školjko.
»Neeee....« so se drli črvi, ki so v obupanem poskusu skoka iz tekočine vedno znova popadali nazaj, saj zdriz ni omogočal oprijema. »Ne moreš tako delati z mano,« je zagrozila Črvuza, »če si tako polna znanja in izkušenj, še ne pomeni, da je to prav«.
»Spuš,« se je zaslišalo, ko je potegnila vodo, vendar se Smola ni dala kar tako, saj je bila polna znanja in tako, kakor se za petstoletnico spodobi, se je razsrediščila na tisoče drobcenih kapljic, ki so se, ko je punca potegnila nerazsvetljeno vodo iz kotlička, razpršile vse naokrog. Kapljice modrosti, ki so se povezale z vodo iz kotlička, je odneslo v kanalizacijo in po njej v skrajno neugledno morje odplak, družbeni položaj in kasto, kjer so to (resda) razredčeno modrost cenili še manj od ošabnega, samozadostnega, prezirljivega, razdevičenega in sploh ne papeškega dekleta na WC-ju.
Druge kapljice, ki so imele več sreče, so se ujele na dekličina stegna in nogavice, par jih je obviselo na njenih črvastih temnih sramnih dlakah, in tam so se, četudi slabotne zaradi takšnega osipa metalno-fluidnih kapacitet, predale čudenju, učenju, sinestetičnemu spoznavanju ženske anatomije, njenega vonja, okusa in zvoka. Čudenje je bilo filozofsko, predpapeško, post-pametno, übertelesno in raz-središčeno, in kapljice, ki so se mu voljno predale, so se naenkrat nehote začele zahvaljevati tisti punci, saj je v trenutku izbrisala vso navlako, ki se je v 500 letih nabrala v Smoli. Preživele kapljice so celo razmišljale, da bi začele z novim štetjem.
Nastopilo je leto 1 po WC-ju. Ne, leto 1 po punci.
»Ahh, kakšno olajšanje,« so vzklikale kapljice. »Kakšna svežina! Koliko prostora!«
In tako so počasi in zbegano začele kolonizirati življenje punce. Najprej ščegetanje zunanjih spolnih organov, prijetno božanje po stegnih, po vsej površini kože, pronicanje čez epitel kože v globlje plasti, do ledvic, črevesja, srca in končno možganov. In punca je postala čustveno izpolnjena ter nikoli več ni posegala po drogah. Škoda samo, ker zdravniki še nimajo dovolj razvite tehnologije, da bi zvedeli, kako je do tega prišlo. Še vedno pa je upanje za ostale, saj se kapljice prenašajo s spolnimi stiki. Še dobro, da je punca čisto nepapeška.
Smola – v mavričnih barvah, s pikicami in progami
»Cugni še malo!«
»Cugni?«
»Ja, tako smo v pretekli dobi pravili požirku«, je rekel Joža, suhljati humanoid pod veliko slamico. Slamica – še ena beseda iz dobe, ki je minila – je bila dolga štrleča cev, ki se je vila iz železnega soda, obešenega na bambusovo drevo. »Bambus je bambus«, so govorili, in to se do danes ni spremenilo, v sodu je bila še vedno opojna tekočina, narejena iz najboljšega črnega vina in oranžade, ki ju je zastonj prinašala velika korporacija CocaKoma Inc.
Iz Jožetovega nosu je pokukala Pajkova nogica.
»Oh, tudi ti imaš prebivalca«, se je začudila Črevuza, punčkasto bitje z belimi dredi.
»Šššš ..., ne kliči je tako! Jaz živim pri njej, ne ona pri meni.«
Iz Jožetovega nosu je skupaj s Pajkovo nogico pricurljal izcedek: zelen, nato vijoličast, temno vijoličast, siv s temnimi pikicami. Padel je na tla in se odplazil do Črevuzine nogice. Črevuza je odprla usta od presenečenja, lica so se ji pobarvala v rdeče od zadovoljstva, nasmeh ji je zablestel na obrazu in njeno krilo se je napelo. Pod njim se je pokazal velik bel črv – Jožetu se je za trenutek zdelo, da mu je namignil! – in z neskritim zadovoljstvom potopil kolobarčkasto glavo v sluzasto tekočino.
»Smola?« je tiho zazdihnila Črevuza.
»Prosim?« se je oglasil izcedek, medtem ko je Jože še naprej tiščal glavo v sod. Smola je bila čisto pravo bitje, pa čeprav le izcedek, saj je hranila vse spomine. Lahko jih je spravila v fizično obliko – katerokoli se ji je zahotelo. In obratno. Otipljive rezultate obstoječega znanja je lahko kadarkoli dematerializirala in posrkala vase. In še več! Na Smolo se je z lahkoto lepilo tudi vse tisto izsanjano, ne do konca premišljeno, iz drog in sodov vina iztisnjeno in v šali izrečeno, vse, kar je obstajalo samo na pol, kot tista nikoli neopredeljiva meja med napol polnim in napol praznim kozarcem. Vina, se ve.
Črevuza je čakala, da se bo stari Joža spet zravnal in si obrisal usta. Hotela ga je vprašati, če bi se morda hotel pridružiti njeni smolnati seansi, kajti pod njenim krilom se je skrivalo še vse polno belih črvičkov, ki so hlepeli po razsvetljenju. Kod ve zakaj, morda je šlo za ostanke iz Dobe Individualcev, a črvički pod njenim krilom niso nikoli hoteli združiti svojih moči, ampak so trmasto vztrajali pri logiki »eno na eno«, se pravi en črviček se je smel in hotel povezati samo z enim bitjem in jo/ga potem povezati z izcedkom modrosti, ki je bil, mimogrede, še vedno vijoličastozelen s sivimi pikicami. A Stari Joža se je še vedno sklanjal nad sod.
Črevuzi je bilo fino, to že, a ni se mogla povsem odklopiti in uživati v svoji seansi. A potem, sredi podob in besed, ki so kot na foliji na grafoskopu bežale čez »resničnost«, se je izrisala, izjasnila podoba znane, utrujene postave. Joža? Brez črvive sinapse se je priklopil na vsevedni trip?? Je bilo to njegovo astralno telo???
Joža je preko misli odgovoril pritrdilno.
»Bivanje s tako inteligentnim in razvitim izcedkom ima svoje prednosti«, se je telepatiral Črevuzi. Prijeten stres ji je povzročil, ko je s svojim astralnim telesom zaplaval v samo središče smolnate seanse – pod njeno krilo.
»Doba Individualcev gor ali dol«, so družno zavzdihnili črvički in Črevuza se še nikoli ni počutila tako sprejeto. Jožino astralno telo, ki je nastalo prav zato, ker je bival v sožitju z izcedkom, je bilo védenje samo. Ob zbližanju s črvički je povzročilo to, na kar je pametni izcedek čakal in si želel že dolgo časa. Črvički so pozabili na engrame iz Dobe Individualcev in se združil naprej med sabo, potem pa vzpostavili še bolj poglobljeno vez s Črevuzo. Ne da se opisati, kaj je čutil izcedek. Bilo je podobno sreči in zadovoljstvu, pomnoženim s 50-imi let njegovega življenja. To je prelomnica, ki je ne doseže vsakdo njegove vrste. Prelomnica, v kateri naredi nekaj dobrega za vesoljno bivanje in dobi ime. Smola, vijoličastozelena s sivimi pikicami, se je začela spreminjati. Vedno bolj opazen je bil srebrnkast sij, ki je obdajal Ne-še-čisto-Smolo.
»Čista katarza«, je rekel Jože, ko se je Smola razpočila na dva dela in začela bivati dve samostojni življenji. Na novo se je rodila njegova sluz, ki je bila po novem turkizna z rjavimi tigrastimi progami. Sluz, ki je začela bivati v Črevuzi, je bila kričeče rdeča z luknjami kot neka prepletena koprena. Nastalo stanje je najbolj od vseh štirih begalo Črevuzo, ki je prvič začutila nenavaden vsevedni pogled od zunaj in od znotraj hkrati. Njeno novo simbiotično bitje ji je prišepetavalo zgodbe, ki so bile njene, a z neke čudne distance!
Iva Kosmos je v torek, 20. julija, v Dnevniku objavila prispevek o delavnici z naslovom Znanstvenofantastični "jam session" z meduzo, klošarjem in bambusom.
Darilo
Zbudila se je pod novimi poganjki bambusa. Bila je še ženskega spola, a je čutila, kako se ji po žilah pretaka vedno več testosterona. Biti moški ji ni bilo preveč po srcu, v tistih obdobjih se je s svojo partnerico Črvuzo razumela najslabše. Zato pa so ji bili najbolj pri srcu trenutki, ko je prehajala med ženskim in moškim spolom. S Črvuzo sta takrat živeli blaženost. S črvički, ki so rasli iz Črvuzine glave, je imela ob prehajanju res poglobljen stik. Nova se je zato odločila, da jo obišče.
Tisti dan je bilo čarobno, šli sta na obisk k Smoli. Smola je bila zelo inteligentna tekočina, stara 500 let. Ravno takrat je praznovala rojstni dan, zato je bila še posebej radodarna. Na videz je bila rahlo odvratna, a ko si se je dotaknil, če ti je uspelo premagati občutke gnusa in groze, so vate pronicala znanja, ki si jih je nabrala v letih svojega obstoja. Bilo je kot mamilo.
Že je hotela seči po tem opojnem darilu, ki ga je vsem drugim bitjem tako radodarno nudila Smola, a se je potem spomnila, da sta oni dve – se pravi, ona dva – na vrsti za to, da Smoli poklonita darilo za rojstni dan. Medtem, ko je Črvuza-skoraj-moški brskala po svoji damski torbici za darilom, se je njena partnerka že sklonila k čebriču, v katerem se je lesketal pametni fluid, in iztegnila jezik, da bi zaužila kapljico überinteligence, a v tistem jo je Črvuza krcnila po licu in jo strogo, čisto po moško pogledala, češ: »Ne, ne, ne še, draga. Še malo boš morala počakati.«
Darila za überinteligentno, pronicljivo in oh in sploh najglobljo Smolo ni bilo lahko izbrati. S punco sta dolgo razmišljali, posebej zato, ker je Črvuza ravnokar spreminjala spol in s tem nehote tudi svoj okus. Strinjali sta se, da bi Modri Vodi morda ugajala papirnata ladjica, ki bi ji omogočila, da se vsaj za trenutek osredotoči na eno samo točko in namesto stalne razpršenosti občuti relativno trdnost osrediščene identitete, značilne za Črvuze. Nikakor pa se nista mogli zediniti glede tega, kakšno ladjico naj ji kupita: lahek javanski čolnič? Ali raje impresivno kopijo jahte Tom Cruise? Morda bi Smoli še najbolj ustrezala 500 let stara replika Kolumbove Santa Marie – mar ni Smola praznovala svoje lastne 500-letnice? In tako sta se (takrat še) punci odločili za modelček Santa Marie.
»Izvoli,« sta rekli Smoli. »Vse najboljše!«
»Hvala,« je prijazno zabrenkala tekočinca in odvrnila, »Vama tudi«.
Pogledali sva se in vedeli, na kaj misli. Bili sva eden redkih parov, ki jih fluidno moško-ženska razvojna pot ni ločila. Preživeli sva tudi fazo, ko sem utrujala kot Ivana Orleanska in se zaobljubila Avtoriteti, pa potem čas, ko je Črevuza še živela kot Meduza in se zatreskala v Tezeja, pa tudi prekleti testosteronski Jim Morisson nam ni mogel nič, bila sem z njo – no takrat z njim, čeprav je položila vse naokrog, vedno sva se vračala druga drugi.
»In kaj sta tokrat?« je prijazno vprašala Starosta Smola.
»Črevuza je ona,« sem tiho odgovorila. (No ja, najbrž ste že ugotovili, da sem sam zapisovalec teh vrstic, zato lahko preidem tudi v prvo osebo.)
Smola se je nasmehnila, vedno je bolj ljubila ženski princip, čeprav se je sama razglašala za nevtralno.
»... Toda, jaz, tokrat ... Ne vem,« sem tiho priznala.
»Seveda veš, vsi vemo, kdo smo,« je prepričano dejala Modra Smola. Bil sem tiho.
»Mislim, da je tokrat drugače, Spoštovana,« sem si drznila oporekati.
»Morda je to tudi razlog današnjega obiska, če sem čisto iskrena,« me je podprla najljubša Črvivka, »Pomagaj nama odkriti, tokrat ne veva. Res!«
Smola je bila nekaj časa tiho. »OK,« je končno rekla, »do sedaj smo vas vedno spravili na pravo pot, tudi tokrat bomo. Začnimo z najlažjim vprašanjem. Ladjica, vajino darilo, čigava ideja je bila?«
»Skupna,« sem odgovoril.
»Aha,« je skeptično pomežiknila Smola in uprla pogled v Črvuzo. »Torej?«
Črvuza me je opravičujoče pogledala in pomignila z glavo v moji smeri.
»Tako torej. Prvi dejavnik. Moč, odločitev, avtoriteta, manipulacija. Še vedno ne veš kdo si?« me je nekoliko napuhlo, če smem opaziti, vprašala stara Sluzavica.
Iskreno. Na tej točki ne vem več, zakaj je to vprašanje sploh še pomembno. Edino etično opravičilo, ki bi ga trenutno še zmogla sprejeti, je to, da moje vedenje o tem, kdo sem, vpliva na moje bližnje. Vse bolj se mi zdi, da je nekoliko nepravično, da se moram jaz vedno spraševati o tem, kdo sem, medtem ko je šizofreno stanje moje Črvivke razumljeno kot nekaj povsem sprejemljivega, skoraj tako sprejemljivo kot Smolina razpršenost.
Postal sem nervozen in kar naenkrat mi je Smolina skoraj arogantna vsevednost začela iti strašno na živce. Skoraj bi že vzrojil in napravil totalni fiasko iz celotnega dogodka, ko se je v meni zganil enako silovit občutek pomiritve in ljubezni, kot je žgoči bes. Čustvi sta v meni divjali tako močno, da sem za dolg moment obstala popolnoma brezizrazno pred mojima ljubima, kakor da nič ni. Potem sem z jezikom pocuzal Črvin sesek, srknila šilce Smolinega izločka in sklenil: »Mah, ni važno. Kam gremo ob naslednjem Luninem mrku? Razmišljal sem, da bi šle skupaj na protest proti izčrpavanju fosforja na Luni. To bi bilo smiselno, mar ne?«
Odšla sva, saj Smole nisva hoteli obremenjevati s svojo nedefinirano formo in večnimi transformacijami, vendar si ostajava zvesta.
Smola pa taka
»Smola pa taka«, je zaklela peta lovka z leve, ki je ravnokar hotela zajeti požirek inteligentne tekočine, ko je ta nepričakovano poniknila v izsušena tla pod še bolj suhim bambusom. Četrta lovka z desne, ki je vse skupaj opazovala z zadovoljnim, privoščljivim seskom, se je lagodno sesedla na Črvuzino glavo in zavzdihnila.
»Ahh,« je rekla, »res imaš smolo, čeprav ti je ušla«.
Peta lovka z leve se je namrdnila in spet zaklela. Težko je bilo živeti s kopico črvivih lovk, privilegirank, ki so vse že pile iz »studenca modrosti« in ki so se odkrito naslajale nad njenimi poskusi, da bi izmuzljivo pametno tekočino, brezbarvno in brez okusa, končno ujela in zaužila. S svojo nesposobnostjo je ovirala razvoj celotne črvuzijanske vrste in vsako noč znova se je praskala po prisesku, da bi se končno spomnila finto, na katero bo ujela presihajočo pamet. Neke noči – bila je polna luna in njena matična plošča, Črvulja, je plesala kot nora – pa jo je končno prešinilo.
»Ja, to je to!«
Sistemsko nalaganje podatkov, ki jih je bila Črvuza sprejemala prek priseskov na matično ploščo, je bilo od dotiku s Smolo neprimerljivo hitrejše. Bilo je nekako tako kot bi Windowse zamenjal za operacijski sistem Linux in doživel skoraj orgazmično sprostitev ob sprostitvi živcev, ki ti jih nesposobni operacijski sistemi napenjajo popolnoma po nepotrebnem. Amorfna Smola se je zopet prikazala iz starega odrevenelega bambusa nedaleč od roba nasada.
Peta lovka z desne, ki je bila v neposredni bližini, se je sunkovito stegnila in posesala tekočino, ki je zvedavo štrlela iz luknje. Noro! Kakšno nenadno razsvetljenje in obilica podatkov. Ni se mogla načuditi svoji popolni nevednosti, preden se je to zgodilo. A hkrati z vednostjo jo je napolnila tudi globoka sočutna žalost, da tega privilegija ni mogla deliti s celotno vrsto, z mnoštvom pomnoženih inteligenc, ki so spreminjale vsako Črvuzo. Stvari se dogajajo vedno v nesinhronem času, vedno tako strašno neusklajeno, kakor da čas ne bi pripadal istemu prostoru. In kdo bi to vedel bolj kot Smola, stara in nepredvidljiva gmota, ki se je Črvuzam hkrati gnusila in jih privlačila. Kakor serum mesojedih rastlin, je tudi Smola imela svoj smrtonosni objem. Ponudila je posameznim črvom ene Črvuze, ki se je pred njenim zaužitje počutila kot harmonična celota, da je spoznala pasti neenakosti, hierarhije in nepravičnosti.
Moramo pa vedeti, da imajo tudi lovke svojo lastno pamet. Med drugim lahko tudi med sabo telepatsko komunicirajo in prenašajo podatke preko vmesnika – matične plošče. Ravno to je bil tisti način, finta pete lovke z leve. Ko je peta lovka z desne prejela novo smolno vedenje, se je tudi 5. lovka z leve povezala z njo in prejela informacijo, ki je bila enaindvajsetodstotna. »Še malo, pa bo,« si je mislila.
Peta lovka z leve, Ljubica, kot se je rada ljubkovalno klicala, se je vedno imela za inovatorko. Včasih pa tudi za aktivistko. Ravno zdaj so se ji po glavi podile misli, kako vsem črvom ene Črvuze, ali, kaj le njim, celotni črvuzijanski vrsti priskrbeti to opojno pamet Smole. Pamet, ki prinaša vedenja, ki ti lahko pomagajo v razvoju, ampak zna postati tudi uničujoča sila, če je zlorabljena. Ljubica ni mislila na negativne posledice, želela je spremembo za vsako ceno. Blazno ji je šlo na živce, da so eni privilegirani in drugi ne. »Vstaja, vstaja!«, to bo izvedla. In začela nadalje razvijati načrt…
Takole bova naredili, Ljubica, si je rekla, šli bova po drugi poti okoli glave, da naju ne bo Smola spet izgnala, mogoče bova tokrat res dobili podatke od neke druge lovke, saj nama manjka širina, a ne… si je godrnjala.
V tem trenutku pa je Črevuza od nekod privlekla glavnik in si z vso ihto pričela česati svoje lovke. Kaj bi hujšega! Lovke so ponorele in poskušale za vsako ceno ostati na svojih mestih, saj so jim dane pozicije za priklop na matično ploščo več kot ustrezale. Le Ljubica je izkoristila trenutek nepozornosti ostalih lovk in se z mesta pete lovke na levi odkradla na prvo mesto v sredi. Misleč, da bo tam dobila bolj zanimive in sočne podatke in da bo lahko nadvladala kolegice, se je precej pohvalila: »A ste videle, tako bo zdaj to«.
Medtem je Črevuza dojela, kaj se dogaja, začela je ihteti in besno mahati z glavo, peti besne navijaške pesmi, upajoč, da bodo lovke kot ponavadi utihnile in se povlekle v spodobne kravžlčke.
Toda leva se ni dala, stegovala je glavo proti Smoli in brezbarvna tekočina se ji je bližala, stegovala je fluidne ude, kot bi si res želela, da jo leva posrka do konca, kot bi si res želela Črevuzin padec in smrt.
Leva je zasadila glavo v tekočino in žlampala, hlastno žlampala vsevedni sok.
Črevuza je kričala. Nato je utihnila, začutila, kako izginja. Peta lovka je prevzela, postala je Črevuza. Njeno zavest je prežela svetloba, moč, vsevedje: lahko se osvobodijo, postanejo enake, zaživijo posamezno, lahko so vse ali nič. Kar hočejo.
Ali pa ne…
Črevuza – vladarica lovk – je odprla oči; oči leve lovke, oči upornice in aktivistke. Lovke so se pretegnile in mirno prisluhnile sporočilu, ki se je iz matične plošče prelivalo v njihova bitja.
»Tako. Vse je v redu. Dobro smo. Pijte Smolo in uživajte. Nič slabega se nam ne more zgoditi.«
Smola jih je napojila.
In vse je bilo kot prej.
Boj za Jožo
Bilo bo enkrat, ko čas ne bo več definiran in ko bo prostor prost fizičnih spon in gravitacije in tam se najde bambusovec, pod katerim klošar Joža kot že tolikokrat poležava v prijetni senci.
Klošar Joža je preprost človek, kateremu ni treba razumeti vsega v tem nedefiniranem okolju in času. Pa vendar se mu vedno znova, pod tistim bambusom, zastavljajo vprašanja. Sam je namreč znova in znova izpostavljen stiku s smolo, ki kaplja nanj z bambusa. Ta bambus namreč ni navaden bambus, pač pa se je drevo z leti prelevilo v nekaj povsem nedefiniranega. Z leti se je vanj naselila Smola. Smola se je izdajala za čisto navadno drevesno smolo, saj so jo preganjali. V resnici je bila razvito bitje. Vsekakor bolj kot ljudje, ki so živeli na tem pozabljenem in zavrženem planetu, Zemlji. Smola je bila edina svoje vrste, a to je ni preveč obremenjevalo. Imela je načrt. Brezdomec Joža pa je bil del njega.
Vedela je, da če se bo dovolj njene smolaste tekočine dotaknilo njegove kože in bo ta vanj pronicala dovolj dolgo, bo postal drugačen. Najprej bo začel razmišljati o okolju, ki ga obdaja, opustil vse svoje slabe navade, ki mu uničujejo jetra in možgane, potem pa bo začel razmišljati o svojem obstoju in odprlo se mu bo novo vesolje. Vesolje, v katerem živi Smola. Oba bi pridobila marsikaj, si je mislila Smola. On bi vpil različna in mnogovrstna znanja ter vedenja, ki jih je posedovala Smola. Ona pa bi pridobila prijatelja, s katerim bi se lahko pogovarjala. Tega ni počela že zelo dolgo. Resnici na ljubo, bila je osamljena. Ampak tako je to, če si edini svoje vrste, povrhu pa star še 500 let.
Spomnila se je Črvuze. Takrat ni šlo vse po načrtih. a sedaj gotovo bo, je bila prepričana vase. Samozavest je bila njena močna plat. A na žalost ne čisto upravičeno.
Smola je imela kompleksno biokemično strukturo, ki jo je večina teles izločevala kot tujek. Ker je imela popolnoma nelinearen semantični kod, jo je večina bitij po zaužitju dojela kot nenavadno paranojo, preveč odprto zavest, ki pa se je v naslednjem trenutku spet razblinila, kot trenutna slabost, ko je nastopila biokemijska alergetska reakcija. Smola je ves ta čas iskala idealnega gostitelja, ki bi absorbiral njeno želatino in rodil hibridna bitja, ki bi imela mnogo večjo sposobnost asimilacije v telesih. Po njenih izračunih bi v manj kot sto letih popolnoma prerasla zavest vseh zemeljskih bitij in jim vbrizgala ne le enotne, temveč popolnoma iste vrednote. Kako ironično, da je ravno v Jožetu, večnem uporniku in družbenem izločku, našla idealnega gostitelja za popolno ukinitev pluralnosti. Nežno je padala na njegove osivele lase in se utirala skozi pore njegove garjave kože. »Rodil bo! In rodil jih bo mnogo!«
Ja, rodil jih bo – če ne bo prišla Črvuza. Črvuza je bila njeno nasprotje, edina in najbolj nevarna nasprotnica. Če je bila Smola eno, je bila Črvuza vse – jaz in ti, ona in one, mi-vi-oni-tisti, Tisti z veliko T, drugi, Drugi z velikim D, tuje, strano, a obenem moje in tvoje. Vse. Vedela je, da bo prišla in ji vzela Jožo, projekt na katerem je delala tako dolgo, njeno popotnico za prihodnost. Vprašanje je samo, kdaj bo prišla.
Zdaj?
Zakaj pa ne?
Pod drevesom se je utelesila človeška podoba – vedela je, da tako lažje nagovori Jožeta – njene mnogoterosti so se tokrat odrazile v črvivih poganjkih iz telesa – iz glave, iz ust, iz prstov, iz popka, iz nog, iz bedrc, iz stegen, iz riti, ja, celo iz anusa se je vil bel poganjek z ogabno črvivo glavico. (Čeprav se zdi strašljivo, je to bila precej standardna Črevuzina preobleka – odtod tudi ime!)
Joža se je blentavo zazrl v podobo in narahlo odprl krastava usta.
»Joža, a me hočeš?« je zašepetalo črvivo bitje.
Smoli je zastal dih. »Prasica,« je siknila in se takoj popravila: »Trakulja! Črvulja! Grdoba nagravžna! Spizdi!« A Črevuza se ni zmenila za te kot čreva dolge in skrajno dolgočasne zmerljivke. Ob pogledu na Jožo ji je bilo jasno, da je zmagala. Gostitelj, ta zajetna zevajoča posoda, je bil že njen. Voljna, mehka gnusoba njenih prekanjenih črvivih vitic ga je že osvojila. Z zasanjanim, odsotnim pogledom, lačen in žejen Črevuljine seksi modrosti, razpršene na tisoč malih črvjih glavic, ki so obljubljale večno naslado in užitek, se ji je že ves predal. Črevulja se je počasi zleknila okrog njegove otrple, zgrbljene postave.
Smola je obupano in totalno brez ideje, kaj naj stori, pač storila isto. Razlezla se je okrog Jože. Črevulja tega ni dovolj hitro opazila in ko je hotela svoj sluzavi krog okrog gostitelja zožati, je dojela, da se ne more več premakniti. Prilepila se je na Smolo!
»Fak! Fak! Fak!« sta hkrati vzklikali Črevulja in Smola, presenečeni in zgroženi ob spoznanju, da sta se pravkar obsodili na večno sobivanje.
»Fak! Fak! Fak!« sta vzklikali, povsem prepričani, da bo njuno sožitje sovražno, in torej ne bo obstalo, ampak bo počasi, od znotraj razžrlo obe.
»Fak! Fak! Fak!« je neinteligentno, celo prostaško odmevalo nad mostom in mestom.
Joža se je odkašljal, popraskal po glavi, skomignil z rameni in z neverjetno lahkotnostjo preskočil ogabni obroč. V travi je pobrskal za svojo staro prijateljico flašo, jo nagnil in se karseda hitro pobral.
Čisto nepapeška punca
Vsaj veter je bil še podoben nečemu, kar je Smola čutila, da lahno drsi po njeni želatinasti rjavo zeleni površini kot nekoč. Čas je postal zanjo razblinjena spremenljivka, ki jo nisi mogel ujeti za rep, ni imel glave, pa vendar je zobal njeno obstojno sprejemljivost. Pod temi škripajočimi štrclji je sluzila življenje že pol milenija – bolj ali manj gnusna za večino mimoidočih bitij, ki so bila vsa po vrsti arogantna in nesposobna ugledati, da je ta sluzasta mastna tvorba v sebe vsrkavala vsakršno, še tako neznatno interferenco iz celotnega vesolja. A brez božanskih razsežnosti jih je prevajala v sebe le kot subsonične zvoke, ki bi vsakemu, ki bi presegel strašen gnus ob pogledu nanjo, posredovala orgazmično senzorično izkušnjo. Presegla bi vsak seks, vse droge ali psihadelične izkušnje. Bila bi močnejša od delirija psihotikov.
»Ma daj, jebi se!« je zasikalo bitje, ki se je očitno pazljivo sklonilo nad papir, ki ga je v tišini poscanega javnega stranišča popisovala tekočina. Popisovala? No ja, bolj se je raztegnila po papirju in tam negibno obstala dokler se niso po njem od začetka do konca prikazale lične črke, podobne pisavi nekdanjih duhovnikov, iluminatorjev.
»Že 300 let čepiš v tem prostoru in čeprav vem, da si enkrat stregla Papeža, danes si večji nič kot jaz sama!«
»Spet ti, nečednica.« Tekočina se je tiho premaknila, medtem ko je oddajala svoje misli v Črvuzine možgane. Črvuzini beli lasje so se razpleli, švisnili po zraku, vsak las je bel črv z rdečkastimi kolobarčki postal, smrad po postanem je izpolnil prostor in sikali so: »Kurac, pička, palačinka, ne kliči me nečednica!! Križ, ogenj, vatra, led zakaj si me zapustila?!«
»Ker nisem več devica,« je tiho zašepetal črv, ki je glavico potopil v zdaj skoraj prozoren tekočinasti hribček na Črvuzinem ramenu.
»Ne govori tako, pizda!« ga je iz tekočine povlekel drugi, belkast, ogaben, enako visokega glasu. »Spomni se revolucije! Nikoli več razprav o himenu! Odrezali smo si ga in biti eno je lepo!«
»Ja, biti eno je lepo!« je milo zapela, zašuštela, zatrepetala črviva druščina Črvuzinih las, dekle pa je zaprlo oči, še vedno pa je slišala odmevati besede tekočine, katere ji niso in niso šle iz glave.
Vendar se dekle ni pustilo motiti, opravila je svoje na tistem WC-ju in hočeš nočeš zgrabilo papir, na katerem se je nahajala tekočina, si jo obrisala in ga mirno zabrisala v školjko.
»Neeee....« so se drli črvi, ki so v obupanem poskusu skoka iz tekočine vedno znova popadali nazaj, saj zdriz ni omogočal oprijema. »Ne moreš tako delati z mano,« je zagrozila Črvuza, »če si tako polna znanja in izkušenj, še ne pomeni, da je to prav«.
»Spuš,« se je zaslišalo, ko je potegnila vodo, vendar se Smola ni dala kar tako, saj je bila polna znanja in tako, kakor se za petstoletnico spodobi, se je razsrediščila na tisoče drobcenih kapljic, ki so se, ko je punca potegnila nerazsvetljeno vodo iz kotlička, razpršile vse naokrog. Kapljice modrosti, ki so se povezale z vodo iz kotlička, je odneslo v kanalizacijo in po njej v skrajno neugledno morje odplak, družbeni položaj in kasto, kjer so to (resda) razredčeno modrost cenili še manj od ošabnega, samozadostnega, prezirljivega, razdevičenega in sploh ne papeškega dekleta na WC-ju.
Druge kapljice, ki so imele več sreče, so se ujele na dekličina stegna in nogavice, par jih je obviselo na njenih črvastih temnih sramnih dlakah, in tam so se, četudi slabotne zaradi takšnega osipa metalno-fluidnih kapacitet, predale čudenju, učenju, sinestetičnemu spoznavanju ženske anatomije, njenega vonja, okusa in zvoka. Čudenje je bilo filozofsko, predpapeško, post-pametno, übertelesno in raz-središčeno, in kapljice, ki so se mu voljno predale, so se naenkrat nehote začele zahvaljevati tisti punci, saj je v trenutku izbrisala vso navlako, ki se je v 500 letih nabrala v Smoli. Preživele kapljice so celo razmišljale, da bi začele z novim štetjem.
Nastopilo je leto 1 po WC-ju. Ne, leto 1 po punci.
»Ahh, kakšno olajšanje,« so vzklikale kapljice. »Kakšna svežina! Koliko prostora!«
In tako so počasi in zbegano začele kolonizirati življenje punce. Najprej ščegetanje zunanjih spolnih organov, prijetno božanje po stegnih, po vsej površini kože, pronicanje čez epitel kože v globlje plasti, do ledvic, črevesja, srca in končno možganov. In punca je postala čustveno izpolnjena ter nikoli več ni posegala po drogah. Škoda samo, ker zdravniki še nimajo dovolj razvite tehnologije, da bi zvedeli, kako je do tega prišlo. Še vedno pa je upanje za ostale, saj se kapljice prenašajo s spolnimi stiki. Še dobro, da je punca čisto nepapeška.
Smola – v mavričnih barvah, s pikicami in progami
»Cugni še malo!«
»Cugni?«
»Ja, tako smo v pretekli dobi pravili požirku«, je rekel Joža, suhljati humanoid pod veliko slamico. Slamica – še ena beseda iz dobe, ki je minila – je bila dolga štrleča cev, ki se je vila iz železnega soda, obešenega na bambusovo drevo. »Bambus je bambus«, so govorili, in to se do danes ni spremenilo, v sodu je bila še vedno opojna tekočina, narejena iz najboljšega črnega vina in oranžade, ki ju je zastonj prinašala velika korporacija CocaKoma Inc.
Iz Jožetovega nosu je pokukala Pajkova nogica.
»Oh, tudi ti imaš prebivalca«, se je začudila Črevuza, punčkasto bitje z belimi dredi.
»Šššš ..., ne kliči je tako! Jaz živim pri njej, ne ona pri meni.«
Iz Jožetovega nosu je skupaj s Pajkovo nogico pricurljal izcedek: zelen, nato vijoličast, temno vijoličast, siv s temnimi pikicami. Padel je na tla in se odplazil do Črevuzine nogice. Črevuza je odprla usta od presenečenja, lica so se ji pobarvala v rdeče od zadovoljstva, nasmeh ji je zablestel na obrazu in njeno krilo se je napelo. Pod njim se je pokazal velik bel črv – Jožetu se je za trenutek zdelo, da mu je namignil! – in z neskritim zadovoljstvom potopil kolobarčkasto glavo v sluzasto tekočino.
»Smola?« je tiho zazdihnila Črevuza.
»Prosim?« se je oglasil izcedek, medtem ko je Jože še naprej tiščal glavo v sod. Smola je bila čisto pravo bitje, pa čeprav le izcedek, saj je hranila vse spomine. Lahko jih je spravila v fizično obliko – katerokoli se ji je zahotelo. In obratno. Otipljive rezultate obstoječega znanja je lahko kadarkoli dematerializirala in posrkala vase. In še več! Na Smolo se je z lahkoto lepilo tudi vse tisto izsanjano, ne do konca premišljeno, iz drog in sodov vina iztisnjeno in v šali izrečeno, vse, kar je obstajalo samo na pol, kot tista nikoli neopredeljiva meja med napol polnim in napol praznim kozarcem. Vina, se ve.
Črevuza je čakala, da se bo stari Joža spet zravnal in si obrisal usta. Hotela ga je vprašati, če bi se morda hotel pridružiti njeni smolnati seansi, kajti pod njenim krilom se je skrivalo še vse polno belih črvičkov, ki so hlepeli po razsvetljenju. Kod ve zakaj, morda je šlo za ostanke iz Dobe Individualcev, a črvički pod njenim krilom niso nikoli hoteli združiti svojih moči, ampak so trmasto vztrajali pri logiki »eno na eno«, se pravi en črviček se je smel in hotel povezati samo z enim bitjem in jo/ga potem povezati z izcedkom modrosti, ki je bil, mimogrede, še vedno vijoličastozelen s sivimi pikicami. A Stari Joža se je še vedno sklanjal nad sod.
Črevuzi je bilo fino, to že, a ni se mogla povsem odklopiti in uživati v svoji seansi. A potem, sredi podob in besed, ki so kot na foliji na grafoskopu bežale čez »resničnost«, se je izrisala, izjasnila podoba znane, utrujene postave. Joža? Brez črvive sinapse se je priklopil na vsevedni trip?? Je bilo to njegovo astralno telo???
Joža je preko misli odgovoril pritrdilno.
»Bivanje s tako inteligentnim in razvitim izcedkom ima svoje prednosti«, se je telepatiral Črevuzi. Prijeten stres ji je povzročil, ko je s svojim astralnim telesom zaplaval v samo središče smolnate seanse – pod njeno krilo.
»Doba Individualcev gor ali dol«, so družno zavzdihnili črvički in Črevuza se še nikoli ni počutila tako sprejeto. Jožino astralno telo, ki je nastalo prav zato, ker je bival v sožitju z izcedkom, je bilo védenje samo. Ob zbližanju s črvički je povzročilo to, na kar je pametni izcedek čakal in si želel že dolgo časa. Črvički so pozabili na engrame iz Dobe Individualcev in se združil naprej med sabo, potem pa vzpostavili še bolj poglobljeno vez s Črevuzo. Ne da se opisati, kaj je čutil izcedek. Bilo je podobno sreči in zadovoljstvu, pomnoženim s 50-imi let njegovega življenja. To je prelomnica, ki je ne doseže vsakdo njegove vrste. Prelomnica, v kateri naredi nekaj dobrega za vesoljno bivanje in dobi ime. Smola, vijoličastozelena s sivimi pikicami, se je začela spreminjati. Vedno bolj opazen je bil srebrnkast sij, ki je obdajal Ne-še-čisto-Smolo.
»Čista katarza«, je rekel Jože, ko se je Smola razpočila na dva dela in začela bivati dve samostojni življenji. Na novo se je rodila njegova sluz, ki je bila po novem turkizna z rjavimi tigrastimi progami. Sluz, ki je začela bivati v Črevuzi, je bila kričeče rdeča z luknjami kot neka prepletena koprena. Nastalo stanje je najbolj od vseh štirih begalo Črevuzo, ki je prvič začutila nenavaden vsevedni pogled od zunaj in od znotraj hkrati. Njeno novo simbiotično bitje ji je prišepetavalo zgodbe, ki so bile njene, a z neke čudne distance!
predalček:
delavnica,
feminizem,
kratka zgodba,
queer,
svetovi drugih,
zf
0
komentar/jev
Naročite se na:
Objave (Atom)








